Ha, just kidding: The Grammys® are a superslick celebration of America's soulless musical-industrial complex, so what's a little shill for Apple? Onstage tonight, Grammy host Stephen Colbert became one of the select few humans who have touched an iPad.

Moments ago at the 52nd Annual Grammy Awards, Stephen Colbert presented the award for Song of the Year. One problem: he couldn't find the list of nominees. The Colbert solution? Look them up on the iPad! The hilarious video, inside.

It seems You must sacrifice one of the island inhabitants. There is a bug in the network proving impossible to exterminate. The bug will make it so that both Charlie Pace and Jin Kwon will have all their memories of the island in tact. The Dharma Institute computations also show that this will result in absolute failure if the wrong islander is selected. One of the two will be driven to depravity, the other will lead to certain victory choose wisely:

Every year, all the people making the noises you'll hear again and again, and will continue to hear, for the rest of your life, everywhere, get together to jam. And we're rocking with 'em. This is your 2010 Grammy Liveblog.

The ex-wife of Avatar director James Cameron, Kathryn Bigelow, won last night's big Directors Guild award for The Hurt Locker. As such, the Explosive Exes Oscar Deathmatch is basically on. Who "should" win? Who will win? And what're bookies saying?

You have been sabotaged by unknown forces, it's a Deus Ex Machina in the worst way! The last video transmission you are to receive begins with live footage of fellow Dharma Initiative staff monitoring your situation. Unfortunately their snag is your snag, not only is the Project Eden a failure, it looks like the virus that's been inputted into the Dharma computers is able to set off a nuclear doomsday device. The world is destroyed, and while it's not completely your fault, there is no point in finding somebody to blame... because you are dead.

END (FAIL)

John Locke was orphaned by his parents, and eventually assaulted/crippled by his own father after donating his kidney to the man. Locke spent most of his life confused as to who he is, and what his point in life could be. He never doubted that he was destined for great things, and his time on the island proved him more than capable of immense undertakings. Unfortunately if his ego is not carefully sustained he is prone to following incorrect paths. The file attached to his name asks you to react to his picture and another ink blot. You are asked to choose a directive that will ensure Locke's faith in himself:

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Wired's Epicenter blog posted last night on an employees only post-iPad conference at Apple HQ with Steve Jobs, where the iJefe got feisty on matters regarding Google's iPhone battle, and the failings of Adobe. In other words: REAL TALK.

For 500 Points: The New York Post reports on "Austrian billionaire Richard Lugner," an "oddball" who's been taking celebrities on dates for 19 years, and ponying up serious scrilla for it. So what does $150K with Lindsay Lohan get you?

Don't fight commitment. Don't fight biological clocks, and don't fight the NYT's Weddings & Celebrations, who always win the battle over your inferiority complex. Don't fight Gawker Weddings Expert Phyllis Nefler, either. But what happens when Vows fights The Law?

And here I thought only NYU kids rented out booze boats for maritime/river-tour graduation parties. A bunch of Brooklyn's International HS immigrant-students celebrated their prom on one, tried getting drunk, and in one case, made out with their drunk chaperone/teacher.

Just in time for the Grammy's! An awesome gossip item today about Warner Music co-chairman Michael Fleisher, who cheated on his wife with a young waitress, and then stalked her. But one thing stuck out about Fleisher's exploratory-prone penis.

Winner of the Massachusetts' Senate Deathrace™ Scott Brown pimped out his daughters on election night after he won. Now, he's using the press from his political win to try to get his daughter Ayla Brown back on American Idol.

In his first movie, Warren Beatty stars with Natalie Wood as a popular high school couple in love on the eve of the Great Depression. The performances are out of this world.

"Astonishing and depressing," Gabriel writes in. Well, that's one way to describe this interactive New York Times feature, a 360-degree panoramic view of Haiti's Notre-Dame Cathedral leveled by the earthquake, also taking Port-au-Prince's archbishop with it. Actually....that's pretty spot-on.

Brad and Angelina enjoy a DGA date, and it didn't involve screaming. Julia Roberts' love advice. Diddy's default position. Tracy Morgan's awesome, wack Chinatown hijinks. Hipster Birdwomen, SJP, Diane Sawyer, and coconut shrimp. Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup.

Here's something unusual: SNL is actually funny tonight! And with Jon Hamm as host, of course there had to be something about newly-elected senator Scott Brown. According to (Kristen Wiig as) Nancy Pelosi, "Mama like!" Do you? Update: Brown responds.

The theme of this year's Miss America pageant? Cringe-worthy secondhand embarrassment. First, the contestants gave some of the worst introductions ever. EVER. Then, judge Rush Limbaugh was booed. Limbaugh also danced erratically to Lady Gaga's Poker Face. Really. Videos inside.

Here's Aziz Ansari performing stand-up as "Raaaaaaaandy— with eight A's!" Prepare to be dazzled by his DJ and tales of his sex life that he's hilariously named after 90s cartoon Duck Tales. This guy knows what I'm talking about...