This looks just like that, not that you can ever get too much news about Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, of course. [TSG, previously]

"Ex-AK Gov. Sarah Palin's (R) PAC spent more money buying copies of Palin's best-selling book than it gave in contributions to political candidates, according to new FEC reports." [Hotline]

Meredith Vieira tried her damnedest to understand the Jersey Shore this morning. She can't. The problem is that she tried to in the first place, and about a month behind schedule. When will the olds learn?

Burger King sales are plummeting now that "super fans" are cutting back. For example, one super fan "figures he is saving more than $100 a week by eating fewer burgers." Goodness! Can America's food crisis grow any more dire?

The 4th hour of The Today Show welcomed the firemen who adorn this year's "City of the Brace" calendar to the set, and Kathie Lee and Hoda could barely contain themselves. Safety tips be damned!

It's Jack... without a shirt on. He's definitely aroused, because he's thinking about you.

Not only do coats and sweaters on dogs look incredibly ridiculous, they serve no real purpose, since dogs can't catch the cold virus and in most cases they don't even notice when it's freezing outside. Even worse: Dressing up your dog can be downright "dangerous," say vets, since it interferes with how they regulate body heat, and that can lead to heatstroke. "If New Yorkers want to make a fashion statement, they can do it with a colored collar," says one vet. [NYP]

Check out this compilation of bone-crunching beer pong slam dunks—you'll be surprised at how many ways people can hurl themselves at tables covered in Natty Light.

While the Post led with "fat man flips bird," the New York Daily News tried news (and Beyonce) on the front page: David Paterson has $620k to spend on a primary campaign. That is not as much as Andrew Cuomo.

MGM, once known for its roaring lion, Gone with the Wind and James Bond, is teetering on bankruptcy. Author Edward Jay Epstein explains how the studio's latest misadventure resulted from Hollywood's plan to separate Wall Street fools from their wallets.

Today Barbara Walters regaled the View ladies with stories about her visit with Senator Scott Brown (R-MA). But when the censors over at ABC deemed his Cosmo spread "too hot for TV," Joy and Sherri let them have it.

No, Jujubee, Shangela, and Mystique are not new edible-panties flavors—they are contestants on RuPaul's Drag Race 2. Celebrity judges include gay icons Kathy Griffin and Dita von Teese. Premieres tonight at 9/8 CST on Logo. You better watch!

Turns out you were right to give this man a mustache. Move over John Locke, and say adios to Jeremy Bentham, because we've got a meeting with Howard Hughes. No, not the eccentric billionaire that peed into jars. Who? Why, the man John Locke became as soon as he looked in the mirror and saw that pencil thin Errol Flynn debonair delight (that's a fancy way of saying mustache). Locke walked off of the legendary Oceanic flight, took a shower, suited up, and started inventing. His 'rocketpack' intrigued the government, but the peaceful Hughes is a lover, not a hunter. You've helped turn this guys life around. Time to move onto the next file.

With the field of terrible cooks whittled down to two last night, the contestants have gotten a lot better. But that doesn't mean they're made of stone! And one cook gives herself the most disgusting nickname of all time.

Nelson Mandela's prison site, Robben Island, is now home to bunnies. They must be slaughtered.

That completely sensible moral compass, the Westboro Baptist Church, is joined here by a rogue protester bent on parodying their intolerance and spreading their hate beyond earth's sphere for the noble cause of keeping gays off the moon. NSFW language.

Over the weekend, the Times of London reported that Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein could walk away with a bonus of as much as $100 million, at least according to unnamed bankers the paper talked to at last week's World Economic Forum in Davos.

Well, that got dark really quick, didn't it? What had been an oddly buoyant season of Big Love took a serious turn toward the sinister last night, as Bill became that which he most hates.

This man's friends set up a decoy of a giant buck, and only after putting three rounds into it and thinking he's gotten it does the hunter go and check. To his chagrin, he's been pranked.

Last night, one of the many atrocities committed at the Grammys was a poorly conceived Michael Jackson 3-D video. Nothing says "the future" like 3-D. The only problem is we're not quite ready for it on this level.