After his first day at his new job, Scott Brown "stayed true to his truck-driving, everydude persona by doing a shot of Irish whiskey and swilling a Bud Light draft at the Dubliner pub this evening to celebrate his swearing-in."

Some brave soul cut and dyed this poodle's hair so it looked like the Canadian flag. Genius.

It's one thing to be a self-centered alcoholic, but at the expense of a child? This actor has it right, he's just obsessed with shouting his own name in bed. He's hurting no one—except his poor partner.

Fill-in-the-blank: "Four months ago, it appeared all but certain that the White House and Democrats in Congress would succeed in ___." If you guessed "cutting off private student loan sharks from the federal trough," you lose. Sallie Mae wins!

Washington DC is forecast to get 20 to 28 inches of snow. Naturally, the capitol is preparing for the impending blizzard by hoarding Lunchables, half & half and Chunky Monkey according to this tipster photo taken at Safeway last night.

Oh Ke$ha! The faux-drunken pop star with rotting Jack Daniels-teeth has released a new viral video in which she and her slinky friends change the famous Hollywood sign to say Ke$hawood. And people think it's real! It's clearly not.

Teaching a baby to stand at 5 months is impressive. Teaching a baby, especially a chubby one, to stand in your hand is amazing. Even without the baby's amazing feat (pun), the chubby terrified baby face is worth looking at.

• Marc Brown, the author and illustrator who created the Arthur series of books as well as the animated PBS show by the same name, has dropped the price of the 8,300-square-foot Tribeca townhouse (left) that he shares with his wife, Laurie Krasny Brown. The five-story building at 19 Jay Street, which the couple bought for $6.15 million in 2004 and put up for sale for $15.85 million in 2006, is now listed for $9.995 million. [Cityfile, BHS]
• Rory Tahari, the social fixture and wife of fashion mogul Elie Tahari, has unloaded a two-bedroom loft at 72 Mercer Street. The 2,142-square-foot apartment, which Tahari bought for $3.165 million in 2008, sold for $3.2 million. [Cityfile]

The Superbowl is enjoyed by everyone for different reasons (usually due to heavy drinking). But what would it look like if it was a bloody Tarantino action flick, a Godard new-wave masterpiece, or a David Lynch mindfuck?

Hanging out by the gorilla cage and riding a pogo stick next to a skateboard? Not the best ideas in the world.

"JPMorgan Chase & Co. Chief Executive Officer Jamie Dimon, who led the second-biggest U.S. bank to a profit each quarter of the financial crisis, got a bonus package valued at $17 million for 2009 that didn't include any cash. The 53-year-old banker, who got a $27.8 million bonus for 2007 and only a $1 million salary for 2008, received restricted stock units and options and no cash bonus for last year, spokesman Joseph Evangelisti said. The valuation of his 2009 bonus was based on a JPMorgan regulatory filing today. "It's consistent with past pay practices and returns," said Alan Johnson, founder of New York-based Johnson Associates Inc. "You could argue that for him, personally, pay could have been higher, but this isn't the year for them to have done that." There's always next year! [BN]

[Scarlett Johansson in a shot for a clothing line ad; image via Bauer-Griffin]

Can you guess what movie this image comes from? Check back for the answer at 4pm today.

Everyone loves a markets-crashing story — today's comes complete with scary graphs and alarmist back-of-envelope calculations. It's also a bad day to be Toyota, a brown pelican or a Baptist missionary in Haiti.

• It looks like Madonna and Jesus Luz haven't broken up after all. The singer and her Brazilian boy toy attended the London premiere for Tom Ford's A Single Man on Monday night and "they were all over each other" and "kissing in front of everyone," according to people who were there. So if they have broken up, well, they have a funny way of showing it. [NYDN]
• Lindsay Lohan isn't a hoarder because she has a shopping problem; it's because "a lot of it is gifted," says Dina Lohan. LiLo and her mom/party pal say they plan to donate a lot of Lindsay's "stuff" to charity and the public will be able to buy some of it on their website. So head over to lohanhouse.com in case ripped leggings and Red Bull-stained clothing is your thing. [People]
• Tiger Woods is a free man: After a month in sex rehab, he's reportedly flown home to Florida with his wife. So consider yourself warned. [Radar]
• Since things didn't work out too well with Brad, Vince, or John, Jennifer Aniston has decided that she "wants to be set up with a wealthy businessman, not a celebrity," at least according to an anonymous "insider." Somebody call Millionaire Matchmaker's Patti Stanger. Stat! [Us]

First Rahm Emanuel called a plan he didn't like 'fucking retarded.' Then Sarah Palin called for his resignation. Then he apologized and made nice. Now a Department of Justice job advertisement welcomes applicants with 'mental retardation'.

Laura Linney turns 46 today. Actress Jennifer Jason Leigh is turning 48. Retired New York Times publisher Arthur Ochs Sulzberger Sr. is 84. Writer/director Christopher Guest is turning 62. Baseball legend Hank Aaron is 76. Movie director Michael Mann is turning 67. Documentarian Errol Morris is 62. Michigan's governor, Jennifer Granholm, turns 51. Videogame pioneer Nolan Bushnell is 67. Former SNL stars Chris Parnell and Tim Meadows are turning 43 and 49, respectively. And Mr. Bobby Brown turns 41 today. A few people celebrating birthdays this weekend are below.

Alaska blog Mudflats, and now the Associated Press, have jumped on the story that Palin failed to pay property taxes on two cabins built on land she partially owns. Her attorney says it's not her fault.

In which we discover the sexiest way to report a starlet's jury duty. Tiger Woods exits sex rehab, Madonna and Jesus Luz are still together, and Howard Stern declines American Idol's judging gig. Friday gossip isn't afraid to say 'no.'

Anonymous, the internet-based group that has waged sporadic wars on Scientology over the last two years, has released a new letter. Prompted, apparently, by the fawning Today Show piece on Scientologists in Haiti they intend to act.