When this dude got drunk last night, he probably wasn't planning on waking up in the middle of a lake. Slightly dangerous, yes, but when it comes to drunk pranks, all bets are off.

The US magazine circulation figures for the second half of 2009 are in. And grim! The big losers (and a winner), below.

André Leon Talley, Vogue's editor-at-large-and-in-charge, has signed on to judge three "cycles" of Tyra Banks' glam reality schlockfest. He says Anna Wintour was OK with the idea and he had couture gowns made for the show. This is gonna rule!

executive director of NORML, on the $700 pot smoking device called the Volcano Vaporizer that's shown up in Weeds and Bored to Death, to The Daily Beast. Apples still cost around 25 cents.

This bit of ninja retail magic has become internet legend. It's a great tip for travelling, moving, or trying to impress that special someone (who suffers from crippling OCD).

New York Gov. David Paterson consulted with "key Democratic leaders" over the weekend to discuss either a) his imminent resignation pending a New York Times report that he is a corrupt snuggling swinger or b) just talk about stuff.

NObama's latest plan to curtail America's freedom is to deny our obese, no-attention-span-having schoolkids the option of gorging on Hot Fries and Snickers out of school-sponsored vending machines. Why won't our nation's soft drink conglomerates stand up for the children?

Mark Harris, former Entertainment Weekly editor and partner of Tony Kushner, has a long and engrossing cover-story about crazy Oscar campaigning in this week's New York. Learn why Jeff Bridges will win and Colin Firth won't. Plus: the Mo'Nique backlash.

While you were busy consuming your weight in nachos, we were busy rounding up the most memorable commercials of the night, for better or worse. And you know what we noticed? We'd seen all of them before.

Rosario Dawson leaving the Bowery Hotel ... Keanu Reeves walking in SoHo ... Larry King picking up food on Madison Avenue ... Renee Zellweger arriving at JFK ... Eliza Dushku and Rick Fox walking in the East Village ... Madonna arriving at the Kabbalah Center in Midtown with her kids ... Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts in Soho pushing their kids in strollers ... Amanda Seyfried picking up coffee in the East Village ... Natalie Portman taking a break on the set of Black Swan ... Sarah Jessica Parker leaving her townhouse in the Village ... and an unrecognizable Kate Gosselin leaving the Ted Gibson Salon before heading to dinner at Butter.

When Regis and Kelly grilled Bill Evans for falsely predicting the worst snowstorm to ever hit New York City, he responded like any sane person would, by predicting another massive snowstorm. Sometimes we just want to hold these guys accountable.

Is it true love or just puppy love? Either way, this dog and chicken makes for one beautiful inter-species couple. Watch this puppy drag an unsuspecting chicken into its dog house and attempt to make sweet, sweet love.

You think it's easy getting Oprah Winfrey, Jay Leno, and David Letterman in a room together to tape a 15-second gag for the Super Bowl? Then you're wrong! This thing took private jets, corporate rescheduling, even espionage!

The biggest movie ever made was finally unseated in the top spot this weekend, by a swoony little romance picture no less. Will someone please go check on Jim Cameron to make sure he's OK?

Disturbing trend: Non-rich kids are being allowed to get college credit while still in high school—an activity previously reserved for hoity-toits in AP classes. Wealthies, if it's any consolation, at least the poors aren't getting anything of value. [NYT]

It's like Coldplay's Chris Martin, only cuter.

Most ads for the Super Bowl were created on a huge budget for multinational corporations. But this PSA, created by the Sussex Safer Roads Partnership, is not only better than any ad last night, but cost wayyyyy less to boot.

After the weekend's blindingly obvious NYT scoop that the police department fudges the crime stats for its own benefit (they showed that on the The Wire like years ago, duh), the question remains: What do New Yorkers "at churches, businesses, community meetings and along the sidewalks on a bitingly cold Sunday morning" think about all this? The paper sent lowly metro reporter and publisher-to-be A "to the" G Sulzberger Jr. to find out, mostly because it was a good excuse to send the kid out on a "bitingly cold Sunday morning." Stay strong, AG. You'll be able to fire all those editors before long.
[NYT]

• Conan O'Brien's tenure as Tonight Show host has ended, but it looks like he and wife Liza may be planning to stay in LA, since they're reportedly looking to unload their penthouse duplex at the Majestic on Central Park West. The 17th and 18th-floor spread, which features three terraces and Central Park Views, is being "quietly" shopped around for $35 million. [NYP]
• The buyer of Bernie and Ruth Madoff's penthouse has been revealed. It's Al Kahn, the CEO of 4Kids Entertainment and the man behind Pokemon and the Cabbage Patch Kids, who is said to be buying the place at at 133 East 64th Street for "just under" the asking price of $8.9 million. [NYP, previously]
• Jimmie Johnson has unloaded one apartment and picked up another. The Nascar driver has sold his 3,200-square-foot loft at 32 West 18th Street, which he put on the market last year, for $4 million. Meanwhile, he and his wife paid $8.33 million for a condo in the Superior Ink building on W. 12th St. [NYT]

Who didn't behave badly at a Super Bowl party yesterday? At least your hogging the nachos didn't land you in the gossip sheets. Also a drug-addled actress, a crotch-baring actor, and a wife-berating comedian. It's time for the kick off.