According to reports, Tracy Morgan and Wal-Mart reached a confidential settlement almost a full year after a Wal-Mart truck slammed into Morgan’s limo, severely injuring Morgan and five other passengers—one of whom died almost instantly .

Over the past few days, a U.S. Defense Department laboratory in Utah “inadvertently” mailed live Anthrax samples to a commercial lab. The location of the lab has not been released, though samples of the deadly bacteria were sent to facilities in nine states, including New York, New Jersey, and Maryland.

A metropolis of roaches living inside a cat food bag, noticed only when an accidental kick to the bag sent them flooding out. Fearless cockroaches charging toward you in your own bedroom. Bugs in the pillowcase, bugs in the coffee pot, bugs in your ear. Bugs during sex. Stop reading if you want to sleep soundly tonight. These are Gawker reader’s most skin-crawling cockroach encounters.

Some people are great at parties—they know exactly when to arrive, how much to drink, and, most importantly, when to leave. Me, I’ve arrived so early I’ve had to devein shrimp, I’ve laughed wet bursts of wine onto people’s faces, I’ve tucked hosts into bed at evening’s end.

Some senior pranks are harmless, stupid fun. Others will get you arrested on felony charges of “perpetrating a hoax by use of false bomb or other device in a public building.”

The Duggars’ homeschool curriculum is full of wisdom, if by wisdom, of course, we mean a frenetic preacher screaming in tongues about hell. Now, imagine that raving, holy lunatic wants to teach you about cervical cancer and gangrene as it directly relates to lust.

Organized labor leaders in Los Angeles are now arguing that unionized companies should have the freedom to pay less than the city’s new $15 per hour minimum wage. [*Turns to face labor leaders*] You are the shittiest labor leaders I ever heard of!

If your subway commute was more fucked than usual this morning, here’s why: Last night, thieves reportedly made off with at least 500 feet of copper cable from the A train tracks in Queens.

For decades, gadget pundit Leo Laporte, the host of a variety of internet and TV talk shows, has served as the neighborly face of technology. And just like some actual neighbors, he has a history of accidentally exposing himself. This time, his audience was treated to a photo of a penis, spotted among a collection of personal photos.

Rhonda Byrne got very very rich by writing a book called The Secret, which contains much pseudoscientific/ mystical horse shit. Why can’t Rhonda Byrne get THE SECRET to work for herself?

Yesterday, a Cook County, Illinois, judge ordered the release of a photo of two Chicago police officers holding hunting rifles while standing over a black suspect dressed in antlers. One of the officers, Timothy McDermott, was fired last year over the picture, which was taken sometime between 1999 and 2003; the other cop, Jerome Finnigan, was sentenced to 12 years in prison in 2011 for his role in a cop-lead gang responsible for a series of robberies.

Republicans in the Texas House of Representatives rushed to approve a “campus carry” measure last night that will allow students at the state’s public and private universities to carry concealed weapons in classrooms, buildings, and even dorms. The bill’s sponsor, State Rep. Allen Fletcher, said the measure would address crime on campus.

Last Wednesday, several students released 72,000 ladybugs inside Maryland’s Chopticon High School as their class’ senior prank, a practical joke that sounds unfair to the ladybugs (and also just not very funny?).

According to The New York Times, Swiss authorities in Zurich* have arrested several top FIFA officials in a dramatic early-morning raid connected to federal corruption charges soon to be filed in the United States.

Penn State administrators announced Wednesday that a fraternity that maintained a well-curated secret Facebook page full of pictures of unconscious, naked women will lose its official recognition until 2018, pretty much ruining senior year.

According to Buzzfeed, Pope Francis—who really, really, really wants you to think he’s cool—told Argentine newspaper La Voz Del Pueblo this week that he, like, doesn’t even own a TV.

Industrial rock guitarist, liar, and accused international canine trafficker Johnny Depp may face up to 10 years in prison or a maximum fine of $340,000, The Sydney Morning Herald reports, penalties related to sneaking his dogs into Australia in April.

The divorce between kitchen bad boy Bobby Flay and Law and Order good girl Stephanie March now includes a champion racehorse named “Dad’s Crazy” and a once-great love flattened under its hooves.

Prosecutors say a woman charged with killing her fiancé tampered with his kayak and then refused to help him as he drowned during an April kayaking trip.

It’s getting warmer out, which means that America’s Most Expensive Garbage Islands are about to become America’s Most Expensive Visibly Rotting Garbage Islands (Because They’re Covered in Disgusting Cockroaches). Are you ready, New York City?