We've gotten tons of terrible tales concerning today's holiday. We decide a winner tomorrow. If you have a new one, be sure to leave it on the original post. Try to be funny—today is depressing enough. [Flickr]

The NYT CityRoom blog found a woman who supposedly went on a blind date with J.D. Salinger. She said he was "smashing looking" and that there was a "mystery" about him. Naturally, there was no second date. What a bro.

This one's for the scorned lovers, the newly heartbroken for the first time, the newly heartbroken for the last time, the pissed off, depressed, overeating, oversmoking, stuck-in-bed-all-day, wretching, dry-heaving, sobbing-uncontrollably-in-public-places people for whom we must empathize.

The Department of Homeland Security recently announced that they're going to be monitoring Twitter and sites like it for keywords during the Olympics. Unlike everyone else, however, they will not get tired of your lame It's bobsled time! jokes. [ABC]

After a Scottish rugby fan dropped his kilt Friday evening on live television, a battle to keep the clip off of video sharing sites like YouTube quickly followed.

Robert Pattinson did a steamy photo shoot with lots of hot, kinda nekkid models for basically gay straight lad-mag Details, in which he told his interviewer that he is "allergic to vagina." Besides being an awesome pullquote, is it true?

World's longest-married couple, dishing out relationship advice, on Twitter. You will never be this cute.

Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russell play cabaret singers with very different ideas about love. This musical extravaganza features Marilyn's iconic and oft referenced performance of Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend.

Someone in corporate PR's decidedly not enjoying their Sunday. Yesterday, Kevin Smith started Live-Twittering his experience getting kicked off of a Southwest Airlines flight for being too fat. It was, for the most part, pretty impressive. Update: Southwest responds.

Joe Francis' tax problems: no more. The Giuliani's make their migration nest nice. Brad Pitt's pot policies. The Eternal Sunshine of Tiger Woods' penis doesn't last. People cares about Michael Jackson's kids. Presenting your Valentine's Day Morning Gossip Roundup:

David Cross is notorious for rants, whether it's against Fox executives or religion. His anger is our hilarious pleasure. Watch him slam his home town of Atlanta for their questionable journalism and Cosi for their misshapen breakfasts.

Malcom Gladwell managed to take the fun out of getting blackout drunk. Really, man? Really?

Must've been good, because Chris Anderson thought it was "god-awful," and one blogger wonders if she "took a dump on stage." The TED website describes her talk as "a new perspective on the number 3000." But...what perspective? Update: Wow.

Whether your Valentine loves old-fashioned gender roles, the most beautiful man on television (Jon Hamm), or is just a fan of the show, these kitschy Mad Men valentines by John Webster are sure to delight.

[Demonstrators dressed up as Avatar's Ferngully People and protested on behalf of evicted Palestinians yesterday in the West Bank. Image via AP Photo/Dan Balilty.]

If you aren't already familiar with it, ChatRoulette's the hot new form of extreme internet voyeurism (and insanity). Essentially, it's video-chatting with total strangers, and flying through them with a "next" button. And now, its creator's been revealed...

Here at G.E.A., we take out "Not afraid to be servicey" mantra very, very seriously (or "srsly"). And today, we have a totally serious job opening for you: Be Barack Obama's Presidential Twitter-er.

A guy claiming to be suffering from a midlife crisis wants nothing more than to roll into work Monday morning in a PT Cruiser, just to see the looks on their faces when they see that sh@%t.

...has produced the best wire report maybe ever. Johnny Weir has to stay in the Olympic Village with all the funky Eastern Europeans and people who don't speak awesome because he is being threatened by fur activists...for being fierce.

Thank you, Human Giant, for inviting Linda Cardellini into your peculiar world. Linda is probably best known for her role as Lindsey Weir on the Apatow boot camp known as Freaks and Geeks.