Jon Stewart and Tracy Morgan talk about Tracy's hair care routine. A style regiment that, given half a chance, will take you behind a middle school and get you pregnant.

Stephanie Madoff, the wife of Bernie Madoff's son Mark, wants to change her last name to "Morgan," for obvious reasons. So if you come across a "Stephanie Morgan," you know...we're sure she's nice and all. [WSJ. Pic via]

If she were a Sade song, she would be the "Sweetest Taboo." This actor is no "Smooth Operator," yelling at a scalper at the Olympics. There's "No Ordinary Love" for this star on set. Actually, there's no love at all.

This hilarious, Hawaiian shirt wearing boy has just seen a lobster for the first time. Naturally, his first reaction is "I would lik-a tooch it!" followed almost instantly by "WHOA. WOW. WHAT? OH..." Translation: Nevermind, that thing's got claws.

It's one thing to get racked in the berries flying down a hill at 70 MPH, it's quite another for the announcer to add insult to injury with some hilarious commentary. Ohhh monsieuuuuuuur!

And now comes the coup de grace to the woeful tale of Sally Quinn, the Washington Post's most execrable rich lady columnist: she is being stashed in the back closet of the "internet," lest she embarrass the paper further.

There's a fine line between someone's head injury being horrific and it being something that's acceptable to laugh at. As concussed as they may be, the people in these clips definitely fall more into the latter category.

[Old person Billy Baldwin tells young person Blake Lively a whale of a tale as they film "Gossip Girl"; image via Bauer-Griffin]

Can you guess what movie this image comes from? Check back for the answer at 4pm today.

Mossad have really not done Israeli diplomats any favors. Australia has now summoned the country's envoy to ask about three new suspects in the Dubai assassination — who used fake Aussie passports. Police now suspect 26 people were involved. [BBC]

At an appearance in North Carolina, John Mack added that he still doesn't "think the industry gets it," according to Bloomberg News. And that ridiculous pay would continue as banks are scared of losing staff.

Howard Stern has organised a beauty contest — with a cash prize — for Tiger's ladies next month. So far four have agreed to to take part. Rachel Uchitel is sadly bound by a confidentiality agreement and can't. [The Times]

What is it with Miss California USA contestants and homophobia? Lauren Ashley, 23, who will be competing in November's pageant, told Fox News the death of homosexuals who "lie together" is inevitable. And her 'hometown' is not happy about it.

If a fight broke out, who would survive? Brad colludes with Angelina's kinda incestuous brother. Matthew Fox's stripper may have faulty memory. Madonna's boytoy stands in a corner and cries. Another day, another reality star sex tape. Thursday gossip arrives.

An underperforming school displayed "courage" by firing all 93 of its education professionals. Unemployed people, take note: There are 93 job openings in Central Falls, Rhode Island right now. [WaPo] [Pic: Zazzle]

Natalie Portman makes a road trip film about drugs. Drugs could null Charlie Sheen's contract. Drew Barrymore is a whalehugger. Zoolander 2 is on the move. Winter storm warning: The Trade roundup is expected to bring 5-10 inches of AWESOME.

Keith Olbermann is a narcissistic outrage junkie. But when he's right, it's a show stopper. With his father currently on his deathbed, Olbermann gave health care's "death panel" controversy an impassioned send-up by telling his family's story.

Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey lives in New Jersey and usually limits his Luciferian powers to third-party runs for office. (Platform: "I WILL IMPALE THEM! [criminals]") Then a YouTube proposal to his 16-year-old girlfriend ignited a nationwide manhunt and internet flamewar.

Well! New York Times exposes on Gov. David Paterson are like Godfather movies: They come in threes. But unlike Coppola, The New York Times saved the best for last. Hypocrisy? Violence against women? Abuse of power? It's all here. Damn.

Let the countdown to Olympic sportscaster Mike Milbury's inevitable suspension begin! After tonight's quarterfinal hockey game between Canada and Russia, Milbury had some choice words for the Russian athletes, saying that they "came with their Eurotrash game." Video inside.