Bill Murray hobbled out onto Letterman last night in crutches, shorts and a parka to do an "interview", but it was more like two comedic masters trying to outweird each other the whole time—and it was hilarious.

From the network that brought you "Paranormal Cops" and that show about the exterminator comes a new drama about the dramatic tedium faced by New York MTA workers. Well—it would be coming, if the MTA had its shit together.

[Twilight twinklehunk Bobby Patentleather outside the New York premiere of his new film, Christopher Pike's Remember Me. (It's not actually based on the Christopher Pike book, sadly.) Image via INF]

Anyone who has ever lived in a household of guys knows that pranks on one another are a part of your daily reality. It should come as no surprise, then, than fire houses are no different.

A judge ruled yesterday that if you invested with Bernie Madoff, but withdrew all the money you invested, you didn't actually "lose" money, regardless of the fictional account balance Madoff presented you. Take one guess who disagrees with this.

Can you guess what movie this image comes from? Check back for the answer at 4pm today.

According to a Washington Post profile, Rahm Emanuel — hired as White House chief-of-staff for his legislative cunning—has been right on almost every issue from the Manhattan terror trial to jobs and healthcare. But no one listened.

Staff and visitor testimonies reveal exactly how Tilikum, the 22-foot, 20,000lb SeaWorld killer whale, attacked trainer Dawn Brancheau last week (she died of "multiple traumatic injuries and drowning"). And it's precisely as scary as you might expect.

Two of the 26-strong Israeli hit squad who killed a Hamas leader in Dubai (while wearing silly wigs, glasses and fake moustaches) apparently entered the United States on false passports after the killing. So much diplomatic fun! [Times of London]

Weir explains his creative process. Jessica Simpson cries on Oprah's couch. John Mayer can't get a date. Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson grope each other in public. Johnny Depp fears mirrors. Tuesday gossip is the window to celebrity souls.

Roger Ebert has gone off-topic of and started tweeting anti-Tea Party messages because "it's so sad how they've been manipulated to oppose their own best interests," he told the LA Times. In the same article Andrew Breitbart describes Ebert as a "caricature of the liberal mind-set" and says he has "raw contempt for Middle America." [LA Times]

This "niche fiction meets stuffy history" trend is getting inscrutable. Seth Grahame-Smith, who introduced us to Mr. Darcy's appetite for human brains, returns with news that Abraham Lincoln juggled the Civil War with a war against pointy-toothed victims of anemia.

It's somewhat disappointing that Evan Lysacek, Pam Anderson, Kate Gosselin, and Ochocinco were cast for a show and won't be clashing in a shared home. But DWTS Season 10's draw is precisely the opposite spectacle: Public figures improving their images.

Starbucks and McDonald's have co-opted macarons, meringue-like cookie sandwiches that shall henceforth be known as Pastry Big Macs. "I saw them at the McCafé on the Champs-Élysées—just down the street from Ladurée! What is the world coming to?!?"

Dustin Hoffman's starring in the Deadwood guy's new series. The Dancing with the Stars cast is out. Everyone's partying at the Oscars. The UN pitches movies. Welcome to the roundup, care for a cookie? Too bad. We don't have any.

Tonight's episode of No Reservations featured Anthony Bourdain's return to familiar territory in Ecuador: he ate roadside ceviche, drank and schmoozed with the local friends he seems to be so good at making, and—oh, yeah—ate penis soup.

Welcome back to the super fun game show sweeping the Internet: "Is It Racist?"! Last episode, we judged a British movie poster. Tonight, our panel must decide whether the political pressure placed on David Paterson to resign is racist!

On Saturday, we brought you the news of Rick Sanchez's stupid, sanctimonious and downright infuriating coverage on CNN of the Chilean earthquake and near-worldwide tsunami warning. Tonight, Jon Stewart brilliantly took Sanchez to task, and it was EPIC. Video inside.

Brandee Barker couldn't use her competitor's search engine; Brad King was called a 'nerdy dipshit;' and Karl Lagerfeld got tired of having to defend himself. The Twitterati were wryly war weary.

When I said earlier that I'd see you at 11:35, I wasn't kidding! Tonight, Jay Leno returns as host of The Tonight Show, and—admit it—you'll probably watch. Here's your open thread to discuss the action as it happens.