Of HBO's repertoire of reliably mind-blowing TV over the last few years, perhaps only Big Love has been able to simultaneously elicit horror and sympathy from its viewers so seamlessly.

Speculation as to when or whether David Paterson is going to resign as governor is entirely pointless. He doesn't know himself. He will probably decide to, and then change his mind, three times today. But it probably won't happen today!

Everyone else in the 80s made an exercise video, so why not Milton Berle? Fitness superstars Richard Simmons and Jane Fonda (sorta) make cameos in the "low impact/high comedy" routine, and the sexy seniors provide their own laugh track. Fun!?

When this old man is pretty broken up about the closure of the local library, his reactions turn from funny, to sad, to funny again. What you are about to see is a code blue case of the sads.

What happens when you combine a Porta-Potty, a giant water balloon, and a bunch of very bored people? You get awesomeness.

In a little warm-up for his SNL appearance on Saturday, Zach Galifianakis appeared on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon to test out his material on a helplessly laugh-happy Fallon. Except Fallon's usual fake laughs actually seemed real!

St. Naomi uses her money to buy her way into heaven. Jon Gosselin has a small wang, The McSteamy's have a baby, Lindsay Lohan is doomed, and Angelina banged Mick Jagger. For Friday's gossip, you're stuck with me.

In November of 2008, almost 70,000,000 Americans voted to elect South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham Commander-in-Chief of the United States. Now Vice President Rahm Emanuel is finally taking charge in the War on Terror.

Four more down and only four more to go until we're really into this thing, and how do we stand? We stand not very well. We stand somewhat better than we did a week ago, but still on troubled ground.

You have another reason to be worried about your privacy on Facebook. A new investigation reveals the company's founder hacked into the personal profiles and email of both his personal rivals and journalists.

Whether you're dealing with a loudmouth at a bar, or an unrequited suitor for your affections, ignoring a guy is a useful skill to have in your bandolier of skills. It's the Tide to Go pen of skills.

We've taken note before of the confusion among the White House press corps as to whether Barack Obama is a attention-hungry celebrity or a publicity-shy recluse. Fat charlatan Roger Ailes just solved the puzzle for us: "He's underexposed and overexposed."

After reuniting the cast of Saved By the Bell last year, Jimmy decided to take reviving Saturday Mornings in the 90s one step further and got the cast of California Dreams back together. And Mr. Belding was there!

A dog head with people arms?!? It's an adorable gimmick and Darcy the dog enjoys the grub.

Yesterday Kari Ferrell came here and answered like, 178 questions from you people. We've condensed that to five. Hipster Grifter CliffsNotes, below.

Ruth Flowers is remixing what the kids are listening to these days. The 69-year-old DJ traded in her knitting needles for a midi controller. And she no longer listens to Burt Bacharach unless it's a trance mix of "Magic Moments."

Whenever this little boy lifts his arms above his head, a parade crowd goes wild. It'll be a sad day for him when he realizes the world doesn't actually cater to his whims.

When it is revealed, the star is going to have to spin it more than a lazy Susan. That's just a guess. We have no clue about a actress' dating habits or a bunch of Oscar nominees. That's your job!

[The non-award-winning actress shopping in Milan; image via INF]

With April Fools Day only a month away, this montage of jumpy-scare pranks just might help get the idea wheels turning. Just stay the hell away from my apartment, OK?