Want to live a long, healthy life? Listen to science! Get off your ass, stop being sexually abused, and never get angry, or have a headache, or—worst of all—have an angry abusive headache. We're watching science, calmly!

"Lazy Sunday" is arguably the Daddy of all viral videos. Chris Parnell was a guest on Late Night and surprised everybody by bringing out Andy Samberg, The Roots, and The Lonely Island for a live rendition their sensational hit.

In a literal interpretation of the Geek Squad, this Best Buy crew formed a dope rap posse. Rhymes about the hard knock shrink-management life reinvent tedious team building tasks to build a workforce with the illest morale in da game.

Some people just can't handle Halloween. Poor Tyrone is about to answer whether he plans to go trick or treating when he gets a little spooked.

Deadbeat celebrity photographer Annie Leibovitz has a new debt collector to hide from: Art Capital Group, the artsharking operation to which Leibovitz had mortgaged her homes and photographs, has sold the debt to Colony Capital.

Andy Richter filled in for Regis to co-host Regis and Kelly today. In addition to interviewing the always charming James Spader, Richter had his first opportunity to speak his mind about the Late Night Debacle. He did not hold back.

Election day in America can be a drag with long lines and confusing machines. Yesterday, voting Iraqis had similar issues, like multiple bombings and assassinated candidates. But according to John Oliver, it's proof that Iraq is finally a success!

Who knew that walking backwards burned 119% more calories than walking forward? Make some simple additions to your sluggy routine, and you can improve your health without really trying.

A teacher had had just about enough of these two teen boys interrupting his lesson, so he took matters into his own hands—literally.

This cat knows how its done. Get out of the shower to do your business. But flushing and putting the seat down? Way overrated.

The NYC Department of Health recently held a contest looking for a new package design for their free NYC-brand condoms. Online voters, the worst kind of voters, cast their ballots and chose the second worse one.

The Supreme Court has agreed to rule on whether the father of a dead Marine can sue Westboro "God Hates Fags" Baptist Church of Stone Cold Psychos for protesting his son's funeral. Alternately, he could just punch them. [NYT]

Maybe her husband didn't mind, since he was home asleep. One Hollywood ex-husband is borrowing cash from his wife, while an ex-wife is blackmailing her famous former spouse. Another actor just pays for sex. That is clearly the easiest solution.

No better way to confirm a rumor than with video proof. A sauced George Clooney saunters down the red carpet with his date for the night—Jack Daniels. And he's not shy to show how wasted he is.

Listen, if you're thinking about fighting this kid by the flag pole or challenging him to an interpretive dance-off - DON'T DO IT. Things will not turn out well for you.

Lori Mason, whose chef husband is currently serving cheese made of her breast milk, has declined requests from strangers to sample her milk, saying "I'm not here to walk people through their psychological problems." Guess what the NEXT SENTENCE is?

[Taylor Momsen on the Gossip Girl set yesterday; image via Bauer-Griffin]

A third NYPD officer has been arrested for his role in last month's heist of a New Jersey perfume factory. Or, as we prefer to call it, "The Worst Fucking Heist Ever." Don't rogue cops even watch movies?

The Swiss ball: as device as simple as they come. Yet as ubiquitous as they are in gyms and playgrounds these days, people still have no idea how to use them without causing spectacular injury.

Can you guess what movie this image comes from? Check back for the answer at 4pm today.