It's true. It will gay marry your cat to your son and then put them both in the military. Sorry. Also: who doesn't like Beau Bridges? Nobody likes Jennifer Lopez. Emma Stone, we're not sure about yet.

Get away from your life on a budget by traveling cross country. Get dirty, stay dirty, and sleep outside for a few months—when you return to your life, it will seem that much better.

The student loan reform legislation that's tied up in the Senate is one of those no-brainer obviously good-policy bills that you have to be a corporate-money beholden parochial stooge to oppose. Those stooges signed a letter of stoogedom.

Gerald Posner, the former Daily Beast reporter who's copped to a comically high number of plagiarism violations recently, gave a little speech in Miami Beach last night. One of the authors he's plagiarized was there! It did not go well.

Birthdays

An iridescent feather starfish swims, captivating vision with such ease that one can barely hear the annoying couple yammering in the background.

Maryland—a Union state and a slave state—is attempting to secede from the South.

This actress casually drops racist slurs, another is an incurable stoner, another is a helpless coke head, another is a horrible mother and fighting with child services. As Mrs. Garrett would say, "Girls, girls, girls!"

[Sharon Stone filming "Law & Order: SVU" (the besssst one) with Marisol Hartigan; image via Bauer-Griffin]

Justin Massler of Reno, Nevada has been arrested for "stalking" Ivanka Trump, online. That's the same Justin Massler who threatened to kill himself after we wrote about his objectively crazy horse-themed letter to the NY Observer. Get well soon, Justin.

Star Wars can be confusing for most people which is why this 3 year old girl made this handy dandy guide to understanding the Star Wars universe.

Jackie, everyone's favorite nurse, and Tara, the multiple-personality mom—are back with all-new seasons. Don't miss Nurse Jackie and United States of Tara™ on Monday at 10 and 10:30 PM ET/PT—only on Showtime® and Showtime HD®.

Holy crap people, it is Friday. And that can only mean one thing: kick your heels up, coast through today, and watch this dance remix of Al Bundy.

The futuristic digital media National Magazine Award winners were announced yesterday. Congrats, DigitEllie recipients/ participants!

If you've spent enough time around kids, you know that a lot of the stuff that can induce gags will also make you laugh.

Gawd, if you didn't know better you'd think that someone is trying to send kids a message not to smoke cigarettes. The federal government's going to start enforcing rules making it harder to market to kids. Is nothing sacred?

Can you guess what movie this image comes from? Check back for the answer at 4pm today.

A Denver attorney is taking on irresponsible weed growers who are making respectable "pot professionals" look bad, by using names like "Green Crack" for their homegrown strains, and for loving tie-dyed posters.

Crazy Birther blogger Debbie Schlussel claims that the Fox News personality's "Freedom Alliance" war veteran charity is skimming from donations. Her number crunching checks out, but she is also generally full of shit, so who knows? Conservative infighting! [Media Matters]

The ongoing cyber war between the military and the CIA is getting nasty, with the agency crying foul after losing its favorite terrorist message board. And now Saudi princes and Texans are being dragged into the fight, too.