You might as well throw that Wendy's salad away and go for what you're really craving. Consumerist has a list of 10 fast food items that have higher calorie and fat counts than KFC's new artery-busting sandwich. Three are "salads."

Flights are resuming in Britain, despite the possibility of a new ash cloud.

Missing child Nathaniel Fons wound up at St. Patrick's cathedral Tuesday night. "Thank goodness the people knew enough that St. Patrick's is a place that a child can be taken care of and be safe," said Archdiocese spokesman Joseph Zwilling.

As any good drug mule/terrorist knows, Puerto Rican birth certificates are perfect for obtaining fraudulent U.S. passports. What's the government solution? Render all Puerto Ricans retroactively nonexistent by invalidating all birth certificates on July 1, 2010. This will go well.

Want to know how paranoid you should be? Google's new toy lets you see how many times your government asked Google for private information. Citizens of Brazil, Germany and India: Fetch your tinfoil hats (chapéus de papel laminado)!

NYC's doormen reached a last-minute deal with the Realty Advisory Board, thus averting a strike.

[The growing population of wild boars in Europe has led German car club ADAC to conduct crash tests on simulated animals. Video after the jump. Pic via ADAC]

An investment firm just got busted for defrauding clients of $120 million—some of which was funneled into a "sexually-oriented charter cruise venture." What is a "sexually-oriented charter cruise venture"? And does it have an unlimited soda plan?

The Heene family, of "balloon boy" fame, will shell out $36,000 in restitution.

Apple fanboy? Frequent masturbator? Prepare to be disappointed: Steve Jobs has reiterated his no-smut-on-the-iPhone stance and his Google-sucks stance, writing in an email that "Folks who want porn can buy and [sic] Android phone." [TechCrunch; pic via Fleshbot (NSFW)]

On a night that was dominated by some pretty excellent Madonna retreads, Sue Sylvester still outshone it all with some sage advice for the cheerleaders. They do seriously look like babies out there, though.

Secret-sharing website Wikileaks is at it again, tweeting allegations against people who have pissed them off. Previously, it was Robert Gates, whom they called a "liar". Tonight, it's Facebook, which Wikileaks claims deleted its 30,000 member-strong fan club.

[The paparazzi bothered Michael Douglas as he walked into Federal District Court in downtown Manhattan earlier today to watch his son Cameron be sentenced to five years in jail. Image via Getty]

Recently, Jon Stewart said, "Go fuck yourself" to Fox News. Then, Bernie Goldberg attacked Stewart. Tonight, Stewart responded, issued his own attacks at Goldberg and Fox News, and said, "Go fuck yourself" again (with a gospel choir). Videos inside.

Blog titan Dan Abrams and Men's Health editor Dave Zinczenko want to help out New York City by gathering all the worst media people in one place. It's a new restaurant, The Lion and it's "engineered for table-hopping." Let's explore!

The studio behind Downfall has been issuing copyright complaints about some of the more popular Downfall parodies on YouTube. This might be the first time war has been waged against a meme. The meme is going to win. [Mashable]

In Sex and the City 2, the Mickey Mouse of bachelorettes will be married and menopausal. Will she suffer the indignity of a lame computer, too? An "elaborate" product placement deal with Hewlett-Packard threatens Carrie Bradshaw's omnipresent MacBook.

Ricky Gervais takes you through his favorite leaflet of all time. It's quite a saucy one.

Last week they revealed just who John May was and how the Fifth Column came into existence. Ryan finally told the group that he was the one who killed John May but he regretted ever doing it.

Finally! A food channel for people who realize food is as much about chaos and death as it is about overweight southern ladies endlessly chattering. The new Cooking Channel is to the Food Network what Ultimate Fighting is to WWF.