Americans in need of short pink khakis, lime green fleeces, and koozies of various hues, often turn to Vineyard Vines, a store that’s outfitted the young Tates and Sloanes of this country since 1998. Now, a lawsuit alleges one store covered up an ugly trail of sexual assault.

After Univision ended its relationship with “verbal billionaire” and permanently open mouth Donald Trump’s Miss Universe Organization this week over Trump’s stance against Mexican immigration, the Donald fired back with an angry letter stating that oh yeah well you guys aren’t allowed on my golf course anymore. So there.

Tal Fortgang, the white Princeton student who experienced the briefest flutter of virality last year after he wrote a bold essay refusing to “check his privilege,” is back with a new thing about, let’s see, “Left-wing privilege,” which exists, Tal Fortgang says at great length.

Authorities are searching for an Olympic sailor whose empty boat was found floating, still in gear off the coast of Miami Thursday.

Today we celebrate federal acknowledgment in the U.S. that same-sex love is love period. We celebrate the ease with which committed gay couples all over the country can fortify lives together, and that those lives will be protected under the law, just as they have been for their straight counterparts. We celebrate the act of putting into writing the assertion that gays are no longer second-class citizens. It is so ordered that gay people are people, too.

Each of the four Supreme Court justices who disagreed with today’s ruling in favor of legal same-sex marriage issued his own dissent. And each was fucking nuts in its own, special way. Here, the weirdest, craziest, and flat-out dumbest lines from each.

According to reports, escaped convict Richard Matt was just shot near Malone, New York and may be dead. He was free for almost three weeks.

Couples, gay and straight, can get married anywhere in the country now—anywhere, that is, except Pike County, Alabama, where one judge was apparently so perturbed by the landmark Supreme Court ruling that he pulled the plug on weddings all together .

President Barack Obama closed his eulogy for his late friend, the Rev. Clementa Pinckney—who was gunned down last week by racist mass shooter Dylann Roof—by leading the crowd at Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church in singing “Amazing Grace.”

During his emotional eulogy for Rev. Clementa Pinckney this afternoon, President Obama addressed the need to remove the Confederate flag from South Carolina’s capitol building. “For too long we were blind to the pain the Confederate flag stirred into many of our citizens,” the president said.

After a New Jersey family says they were driven from their $1.3 million dream home by a demonic tormenter (or prankster) called “The Watcher,” we were surprised by how little anyone knew about the creepy culprit. After visiting the sleepy (haunted?) neighborhood, we know a little more.

President Obama just finished delivering a eulogy for his late friend, state senator Clementa Pinckney, who was killed last week in Charleston. You should watch the entire thing.

Women in Japan are reportedly very horny over a sexy, barely legal 18-year-old gorilla named Shabani, currently living in the Higashiyama Zoo in Nagoya. But how sexy is this gorilla, really? Is he that much sexier than an average-looking gorilla? Take our quiz and find out if you can tell which gorilla is the sexy, famous one and which gorilla is a garbage nobody like the rest of us.

Fellow worker: I wish you a very joyous “Struggle Against American Imperialism” month. Raise high your fists against the hostile animalistic imperialist!

The United States may now negotiate with terrorists, but one hero mom who had her nightmare son arrested after he started slaughtering hostage-chickens earlier this week certainly does not.

Yoga apparel purveyor Lululemon has recalled more than 300,000 elastic drawstrings in its hoodies and jackets after the strings kept snapping back and flinging their plastic or metal tips into women’s faces. Women walking around in death traps and they don’t even know it! There have been seven reported victims of the hoodie attacks so far. Lululemon assures the public their injuries were “not serious” (but maybe stop wearing these totally safe and comfy hoodies anyway).

There is a now-familiar ritual performed by liberal commentators and journalists following Supreme Court decisions that go their way: The praising of Associate Justice Antonin Scalia’s blistering dissents.

New evidence suggests that Gene Palmer—the Clinton Correctional Facility guard who allegedly accepted paintings by allegedly big-dicked murderer Richard Matt as payment for aiding Matt’s escape alongside David Sweat—has spent years indulging his own artistic inclinations in addition to those of convicted felons. Just like Orange Is the New Black’s Joe Caputo, Palmer played guitar in a shitkickin’ bar band on the weekends.

The death toll from this morning’s attack in Sousse, Tunisia, now stands at 37. Another 36 people were wounded in the shooting.

Twitter has been in a frenzy all day, jubilant over this morning’s decision regarding marriage equaility. Er—marriage equaality. Marriage equity. Marriage equus? Who knows. Twitter sure doesn’t!