The first BP megadome didn't work. Now golf balls, hair clippings and pillows are being thrown into action. And after lying on Capitol Hill yesterday, the oil company has deployed a smaller "top hat" dome for the leak. [CNN, Getty]

The state already hates Mexicans and teachers with accents. But to really clean things up, yesterday a law was passed that bans schools from teaching "ethnic studies" and classes that encourage the overthrow of the US government. Really.

On Friday, the drug store will be the first retail chain to offer a take home genetic test, for around $30. Just mail in a saliva sample and wait patiently for your life to be ruined! [Chicago Tribune, pic]

Citing "false media reports" claiming he vacationed with male prostitutes, Rekers yesterday resigned from the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality so he can focus on clearing his name. The group advised him to "get a good lawyer."

Over 100 people have died in a plane crash in the Libyan capitol, Tripoli. Unconfirmed reports say that an 8-year-old child is the only survivor.

[Oops: Time magazine got one of its polls hacked, again, by the jokers over at the 4chan image boards. What can you say? Ask a dumb question, get a dumb answer. Link via Reddit]

Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan is not gay, says her law school roommate Sarah Walzer. Former New York governor Eliot Spitzer, who knew her as a Princeton undergrad, agrees. And yet, the rumor persists.

More rumors have emerged about potential buyers for Newsweek, which The Washington Post Co. put on the market a week ago today.

Roy Moore, candidate for governor of Alabama, wants you to know something about his opponent Bradley Byrne: He once said that "evolution... best explains the origins of life." Not only that, he thinks the Bible might not be 100% true.

Permian High—the Friday Night Lights school—gets good plot lines in real life, too: A star basketball player shows up, claims to be homeless, moves in with the coach, and (in the season finale) turns out to be 22.

[Flesh-based actress Helen Mirren cozies up to waxen Helen Mirren at Madame Tussaud's in London. Photo via Getty.]

Finally, a trailer for J.J. Abrams' mysterious new movie, Super 8! There is a train crash, possible aliens, and secret easter-egg shot of some kid's head! But: Will it make up for tonight's crappy episode of Lost?

Tonight, Jon Stewart brilliantly called out conservative pundits for their constant, "Is this Obama's [Insert Bush Mess-Up]?" questions, and for the hypocrisy of championing Bush's policies but then implying they were bad when making the Obama comparisons. Video inside.

The NYPD says: "See something, say something." Tonight, someone did! Police were tipped off to "something" suspicious in Times Square. The only problem is that "something" turned out to be "garbage." Everyone: Stop leaving your stuff around Times Square. [WNBC]

The final wisps of Spencer Pratt's sanity seemed to slip away from him tonight on the Hills when during a neighbor's 7 year-old birthday party, he blasted Heidi's mom for "emotionally raping" her daughter, calling her "just a vagina." Classy!

The front page photo of Tuesday's Journal? Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan playing softball. Not that they're saying she's a lesbian, or anything! Tomorrow they're running a photo of her driving a Subaru Outback. Only because it's a good picture!

Ugh, Jamie Foxx. Ugh. He's just so... UGH. Anyway! Foxx was on American Idol tonight as this week's mentor, and he made sure to bring his smug asshattery with him. Inside, video of Foxx playing God and making everyone uncomfortable.

Russian billionaire Mikhail Prokhorov now owns the New Jersey Nets. Their record this season: 12-70.

Not surprisingly, nothing really happened on tonight's Puck-centric version of Glee. The kids were told to find a song that represented themselves, and as we've said before, Jane Lynch only needed a two minute scene to steal the show.

Performing in Hamburg last week, Rihanna turned around, dropped her microphone, and attempted a moonwalk—but ended up tiptoe-tottering backwards in pathetic slow motion instead.