A single slick art thief whose life is totally like a movie stole more than $600 million worth of paintings from the Paris Museum of Modern Art last night. Picasso! Matisse! Etc.! Click through for pictures of his superfamous haul.

After 10 weeks of violence and 83 people killed, the Thai government says the Red Shirt protest movement has been mostly shut down.

In plugging his new book, the former GOP Speaker of the House writes that leftists have infiltrated nearly all facets of society with their brand of "secular-socialism," and they will destroy America faster than you can say firecracker jihadist.

The Weekly Standard's Bill Kristol is so excited that "patriot" Campbell Brown is heroically leaving CNN—because she can't compete with other TV blowhards—that he wants her to run against NY Senator Chuck Schumer. [Weekly Standard, pic]

In order to "protect" the public, a judge in Malawi has sentenced a gay couple to 14 years in prison with hard labor for "gross indecency" and committing "unnatural acts." Somewhere, Rev. Rick Warren is smiling. [BBC, pic]

When a crew from CBS News tried to film an oil-covered beach in Louisiana, they were stopped and threatened with arrest by a group of BP contractors and members of the Coast Guard. "This is BP's rules, it's not ours."

Astronomers have found a kind of supernova that barfs calcium as it dies, and think such supernovae could be behind the abundance of calcium in our universe. No word on if they're better than Tums, or what. [LAT]

[New York's legendary Empire Diner is closed, and while you can't get food anymore, you can pick up a booster seat and some tea candles if you hurry. Pic via Eater]

On Monday, The New York Times accused Democratic Senate candidate Richard Blumenthal of falsely implying that he'd served in Vietnam. Then a Republican candidate bragged about having fed the story to the paper. What happened here, guys?

John Shepherd-Barron, the inventor of the cash machine, has died.

Three would-be muggers attempting to rob a German exchange student in Sydney were foiled by, uh, ninjas. You know. Like the turtles. The lesson, obviously, is "Don't mug people outside a goddamn ninja school." [Sydney Morning Herald]

The most hated men in television right now, Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse, stopped by the Late Show tonight to do David Letterman's Top Ten list. Video of many fake spoilers and a cameo, inside.

Growing up, Joe Mozingo assumed his last name was Italian, or maybe French Basque. And then he met a distant relative named Sherrie Mazingo. Sherrie is black, and she had news: Their common ancestor was, too. How cool is that?

Kentucky Senate Candidate Rand Paul took his surprisingly popular brand of crazy to some real unpopular depths the other day by suggesting that he supported a business' right to discriminate based on race. Rachel Maddow Grilled him tonight.

ABC pulled in an NBA ringer for tonight's finale of Modern Family, and Kobe Bryant's brief scene actually ranks pretty high on the scale of athletes who try (and usually fail) to be funny.

Wow, a pair of gay, one-eyed spacemen named Wenlock and Mandeville are the mascots for London's 2012 Olympics. Before you judge: We've exclusively obtained a transcript which shows how a London design studio came up with the mascots.

Tonight, a special preview of the Lost showcase at the Vilcek Foundation was held for select members of the press. Somehow we were invited and decided to channel our extreme excitement into photos for the rest of you to enjoy.

Ladd Ehlinger Jr. is the conservative filmmaker behind that absurd advertisement for Alabama Agricultural Commission candidate Dale Peterson. He also makes weird, low-budget science fiction movies. One is a computer-animated adaptation of the book Flatland, starring Martin Sheen.

Wikileaks founder Julian Assange claims that Australian officials confiscated his passport. He added, ominously, that Australian police questioned him about his past. Was it payback for the time Wikileaks published a secret government document? We call bullshit.

Robert Scoble and Karen Wickle joked about bathrooms and private parts, respectively, at Google IO; Khloe Kardashian let her husband down; and Martha Stewart was clinically obsessed with Starbucks. The Twitterati regressed a little.