Failed Hewlet-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina last week dissed California Senator Barbara Boxer's hair, and now that's all anyone cares about. But she wants people to focus on important issues—like how evil the Endangered Species Act is. [FoxNews]

Ethnic violence in Kyrgyzstan has forced 75,000 Uzbeks from their homes since Thursday.

A leaking pipe owned by Chevron has spilled 20,000 gallons of oil into Red Butte Creek outside of Salt Lake City, coating poor ducks and geese. Hell, let's make BP clean that one up too, just to be bastards. [DeseretNews]

Christina Aguilera and Kim Kardashian are now friends. Lady Gaga loves Taylor Swift. Bam Margera battered by bat-bearing broad. Snooki: Small government advocate. Sunday's Gossip roundup is all about friendship and helping each other through difficult times.

When BP executives come to Washington this week to be scolded by xenophobic President Obama, they'll be told to set up an escrow account for oil spill victims' claims. Another week of fuming British editorials will follow. [Politico]

Who knew Hitler was a fan of magicians? Larry David did. Watch as David expresses how he thinks the deceased dictator would've handled finding out the secrets of the disappearing bunny act.

File under: awesome and hilarious. Because she thinks funerals should be more about laughing than crying, a woman named Carla created a "live via satellite... from Heaven" video to be played at her funeral. Inside, Carla's message for her friends.

Martin Tyler is an English "football" commentator and was one of two ABC announcers during this afternoon's England-USA World Cup game. After the American goal that tied things up, Tyler repeatedly—and condescendingly—cried foul. Videos of his whining, inside.

Back when we were amateur bloggers, even a comment from someone who wasn't a friend could turn the whole day around. So we can see why a bunch of Brooklyn bloggers took up Absolut vodka's offer of schwag for posts.

Rescued teen sailor Abby Sunderland wrote on her blog that she'll make another attempt at circumnavigating the globe, and she hit back at her critics: "As for age, since when does age create gigantic waves and storms?" [Abby's Blog]

America doesn't suck at soccer! A technically outmatched U.S. team tied England 1-1 today amidst the droning vuvuzelas, thanks to a fluke mishandling of Clint Dempsey's shot by English goalkeeper Robert Green. Ha ha. Next match: Against Slovenia this Friday.

Earlier this week, we wondered if Sarah Palin got a boob job. Speaking last night to Fox News' Greta Van Susteren, Palin said, "I know Boob-Gate is all over the internet right now," but the rumors are false. Hmm.

A 7.7 magnitude earthquake has hit just northwest of Indonesia. Tsunami watch in effect.

Lady Gaga flipped the bird to all of Citi Field. Is it possible she flipped so hard her finger got stuck? Here she buys a hot dog and flips off a giant nipple. A preview of her next video? [Buzzfeed]

The North Korean military has threatened to annihilate the South Korean capital Seoul if they don't turn the damn music down. The South has been blaring music along the border in response to the North's alleged sinking of a warship.

A stupid psychic from Idaho stupidly tipped off the police that he believed vanished Oregon second-grader Kyron Horman was in Yreka, California. This spurred an increased focus on the town. Surprise! He wasn't there. He's been missing for nine days.

An 18-year-old Balinese man, Ngurah Alit, was caught in a rice paddy sexing up a cow doggie style after it had flirted with him. To cleanse his village he was forced into marrying the cow—but he passed out.

We are less than one half-hour away from the most Important Soccer Match of All Time: America vs. England in the first round of the World Cup! Let's get ready to hate England!

Great, now our nation is under attack by memes. Carlos Almonte, the wannabe New Jersey Jihadist arrested last week on his way to Somalia, was previously Internet famous for his funny sign.

[Yesterday, Day 52 of the Gulf of Mexico oil spill, the US Coast Guard sent BP a letter telling the company to hurry things up a bit. Meanwhile, Brits are fed up with all of this BP bashing. Image: Getty]