Hot, sexy news out of Pennsylvania, where citizens are outraged that a US Marshal took his special gal up to the roof of the Ronald Reagan Federal Courthouse for an afternoon of judicial boning.

What is “privilege?” Privilege is when a 23 year-old can turn his time working at a falafel takeout joint as a teenager into a Washington Post think piece about challenging his own privilege and not think the world will say, “Hey, fuck off.”

Last week the world learned about a dumbass who tried to charge his iPhone by plugging it into a fake outlet on the set of Hand to God, a Broadway play that was just about to begin. Now, thanks to Playbill, we know the idiot’s name: Nick Silvestri of Seaford, Long Island.

Omar Sharif, a talented film and television actor who featured in some of the best films ever made—from Doctor Zhivago to Lawrence of Arabia to Funny Girl ;)—died in a hospital in Cairo, Egypt on Friday. His agent says Sharif died from a heart attack. He was 83.

Hacking Team, the recently hacked Milan-based outfit that peddled surveillance software to violent, oppressive governments around the world like Bahrain and the United States, naturally has a lot of critics. Their newly exposed emails reveal some very creepy conversations about one critic in particular.

From time to time, New York City’s reactionary elements decide to villainize the homeless by casting them as menaces to the quality of life of decent folks. Our parks—our precious public parks—are full of homeless people, you see. Well? Good.

2014 broke the baseball metaphor. It used to be that you knew what it meant to go all the way, but as eating ass increasingly embeds its face in the crack of popular discourse, it seems that we’re looking back at the days of celebrating home runs. Who cares about fourth base now when the spectators in the stands are eating peanuts, Cracker Jack, and each other’s buttholes?

Christian Audigier, the official clothier of Long Island bros, has reportedly died at the age of 57 from cancer.

This little coward is afraid of a feather—a feather. A damn feather. Why, though?

The Confederate flag was officially removed from a South Carolina Statehouse flagpole “with dignity and respect” Friday, in what governor Nicki Haley is calling “a new day” for South Carolina.

Cool Pope “Francis” (a nickname) in a speech yesterday “called the unfettered pursuit of money ‘the dung of the devil.’” Damn—now that’s a cool Pope.

A former journalist tells ABC she alerted the FBI after Jared Fogle—the now-suspended face of Subway—made a series of inappropriate, unsettling comments about young girls.

Citing police sources, the New York Daily News reports a veteran NYPD sergeant has been suspended after allegedly splashing semen on the leg of a co-worker he “liked” at One Police Plaza.

On Thursday, gay porn actor Teofil Brank was found guilty of six federal charges stemming from a $1.5 million extortion scheme against business tycoon Donald Burns, the Associated Press reports.

On Wednesday, a Pennsylvania man was charged with indecent exposure, criminal trespass and public drunkenness after police allegedly discovered him drunk and naked in neighbor’s hog barn, WHP-TV reports.

The rich are different from you and me, it’s been said (by the rich). And that’s probably the truth, unless you’re also allegedly hosting prostitute-and-cocaine orgies at your multimillion dollar Park Avenue apartment. And if you are, well, good for you I guess?

Uber, the car service oh excuse me technology company that just makes an app and definitely does not employ drivers, is currently fighting it out in court to make sure its employees don’t legally count as employees. In its latest motion, filed Thursday, the company argues 160,000 California Uber drivers shouldn’t be able to sue as a class because they “have little or nothing in common.”

South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley just signed a bill authorizing the removal of the Confederate flag from the statehouse grounds. The flag will be lowered “with dignity” tomorrow morning.

ABC News reports that at least 25 million people were affected by the recent Office of Personnel Management hack—more than six times the number originally reported by authorities.

New video of the deadly February three-car accident involving Caitlyn Jenner appears to show Jenner crashing into both vehicles, sending the female driver of a white Lexus sedan head-on into oncoming traffic, where she was struck and killed.