On Tuesday, a judge found Sarah Ferguson not guilty of second-degree murder, but guilty of first-degree manslaughter, first-degree assault, and first-degree gang assault for her role in a mass beating that left her 19-year-old half-brother Lucas Leonard dead and her 17-year-old half-brother Christopher Leonard severely injured.

In his first joint campaign appearance with Hillary Clinton, prominent narc Barack Obama let slip that his daughter, Sasha Obama, tweets. Meaning that Sasha’s covert days on Twitter are just about over.

Congratulations to the Philippine Air Force on their 69th anniversary.

Donald Trump more than doubled his net worth over the last four years, according to a 2012 SEC filing, a testament to his extraordinary mind and unique business acumen.

An off-duty NYPD officer fatally shot 37-year-old Delrawn Small Dempsey during a road rage fight in East New York just after midnight Monday, CBS reports. According to police officials, Dempsey was punching officer Wayne Isaacs through an open car window when the officer fired his service weapon.

Do you live in or around the St. Louis area? And is your dumpster currently engulfed in flames? I’m not surprised. Because can you guess how many dumpster fires were put out by the St. Louis Fire Department last night? The answer is 23. Twenty-three dumpster fires.

Speculation about who Donald Trump will pick as his running mate abounds. The latest news has Chris Christie being vetted for the position, but they’re probably just messing with him. So far, the reality show candidate has given every indication he plans to run on a reality show platform. But what celebrity apprentice would even take the (unpaid, likely short-lived) gig?

Here is what you need to know about Kevin Durant, who did the crazy thing everyone is talking about.

Today’s New York Times profile of Donald Trump’s son-in-law, Jared Kushner—a real estate scion in his own right, whose influence on the presumptive Republican nominee’s presidential campaign has been steadily increasing since the spring—contains, amongst other things, this titillating anecdote:

RJ Bell, the “Vegas oddsmaker” in charge of the sports betting website Pregame.com, and subject of a lengthy investigation by Ryan Goldberg on Gawker’s sister website Deadspin, has enlisted Charles J. Harder—the same lawyer who has threatened Gawker over Ashley Feinberg’s reporting on Donald Trump’s hair—to demand a retraction of the article. Meticulously reported over the course of a year, Goldberg’s piece exposed some of Bell and Pregame’s questionable business practices.

Perhaps you believe that the millennial generation is filled with self-obsessed dolts. An editorial entitled “I’m a millennial and my generation sucks,” published yesterday in the New York Post, will do little to disabuse you of that notion.

Eli Valley is publishing a collection of his comics this year with OR Books.

Remember Jonah Lehrer, the pop-psychology author and New Yorker staff writer who invented Bob Dylan quotes and somehow managed to plagiarize himself? After resigning from his magazine gig in mid-2012, and watching his publisher retract two of his three books, Lehrer laid low for a few years—but not so low as to prevent him from issuing a mealy-mouthed apology during a journalism conference, or signing a fourth book contract with Simon & Schuster. And now he has a new book to sell.

At a press conference held on Tuesday morning in Washington, D.C., FBI Director James Comey told reporters that his agency will not recommend an criminal indictment against Hillary Clinton over her use of a private email server to conduct official, and in many cases classified, correspondence during her tenure as Secretary of State.

“Donald Trump is a good friend, and I support my friends,” famous handsome face Tom Brady once said about his good friend Donald Trump, who he supports. But apparently even Tom Brady’s legendary benevolence has its limits.

Apparently responding to Donald Trump’s latest Twitter dalliance with barely-veiled anti-Semitism, Dr. Ben Carson, the Trump campaign’s underminer-in-chief, subtly suggested that the candidate maybe should be “careful” about courting the neo-Nazi vote.

In the months after Bridgegate, New York governor Andrew Cuomo said he and his office knew nothing about the fallout from the lane closures on the George Washington Bridge that engulfed the bi-state Port Authority in scandal. As it turns out, this was not entirely true.

Got a spare 45 minutes? I don’t care, read George Saunders’ New Yorker piece on Trump supporters anyway. It is undoubtedly the most fun you’ll have weeping for our lost nation all week.

Baltimore Police Department Lieutenant Brian Rice, the highest-ranking officer charged in the death of Freddie Gray, is opting for a trial by judge, it was announced this morning.

Dan Scavino, Donald Trump’s social media director who this weekend overlaid an anti-Semitic graphic on top of Hillary Clinton’s face, today spoke of his wife’s “amazing Jewish family,” who I’m sure will be thrilled to see him this year come the high holy days.