Mel Gibson gets dropped by his talent agency. Ryan Seacrest picks up the tab. Lindsay Lohan won't be able to smoke in prison. James Franco dishes on fake sex with Julia Roberts. Saturday's gossip roundup looks like a Vegas Whore.

Analysts predicted that it would only be a matter of time before oil from the Gulf spill would make its way up the east coast. On Thursday locals at Crescent Beach, in northeast Florida, found tar balls on the shore.

This is just one example of why you shouldn't take a stab at comedians during their stand up. Watch as Bryson Turner waits for the crowd to settle down and comes up with an awesome one liner.

Let's take a look back at this dizzying post-holiday week. Starlets were cruelly imprisoned, Jesus appeared in a pornography magazine, and someone was excited to meet Sarah Palin.

[Don't mess with this little girl who was caught splashing around in the fountain in Washington Square Park. She has water balloons, and she's not afraid to use them. Image via AP]

In this Whitney Port approved sendup of The City, meet Johanna and Rachel, two "gals" who come from Florida to take over New York, one fashion PR firm and SchBuYa shot at a time.

Four employees of Little Rock's KARK were fired Thursday for making profane video spoofs of TV news and putting them on YouTube. The worst part? They were actually pretty funny! Video below.

Today we looked at an annoying Don't Ask, Don't Tell questionnaire that was handed out to soldiers. One commenter responded vociferously in what we can only imagine is deft parody.

The only thing the denizens of Portland, Oregon love more than homebrew kombucha is a good backlash. What the Times calls the city's "new provincialist" ethos is a backlash against America's Walmartification. But here comes the backlash against the backlash!

Your daily look into the twitterific lives of our favorite celebs.

Ladies and gentlemen, you are about to witness the end of Mel Gibson's career: The recording of Gibson telling his ex-girlfriend she resembles a "fucking pig in heat" and would be "raped by a pack of niggers" has emerged online.

Bill Clinton, needing an ego fix, will preside at Rep. Anthony Weiner's wedding tomorrow.

Lest there be any doubt that Taiwanese animators are baiting us with their quaintly foreign CGI videos: "Internet Turns on Justin Bieber" dramatizes 4chan and Justin Bieber's syphilis rumor. It also shows baby Bieber clinging to a suspiciously phallic microphone.

Are soccer games too fast-paced for you? Here's a video that distills the best moments from the World Cup in super slow motion. If this is still too fast, you should probably just give up and watch some curling.

And I thought being named after a chicken dish was bad. Prepare yourself for the most ridiculous name you'll ever hear.

Sales of Miley Cyrus' latest album "Can't Be Tamed" have been disappointing compared to her 2008 debut. Why? Her fan base of middle-school girls think she's acting too "grown-up" (read: slutty). And the fickle 12-year-olds have set us free.

When we said we had Mad Men fever, we meant it. Two members of the show's cast are featured in this Funny or Die video in which a girl stands before a committee for patents to sex acts.

Trigger, the equine companion (not in a Zoo way, don't worry) of cinema cowboy Roy Rogers, was taxidermied after his death and is now for sale with some other Rogers possessions. It's estimated to go for upwards of $200,000.

Britney Spears will get her own episode of Glee, Jaleel White's legal trouble, the Today Show changes their wedding contest rules to include gay couples, Bret Michael's possible new reality show, and how to get extra free Netflix movie delivered.

Cross your fingers: BP and the government will put a new containment cap over The Leak this weekend that could fully contain—not "stop"—the oil. There will, however, be a period of free-flowing oil during the transition.