An anonymous group in Utah calling itself "Concerned Citizens of the United States" has compiled a list of 1,300 alleged illegal immigrants—including their birth dates, workplaces, and social security numbers. "Begin deportation now," the accompanying letter instructs.

Gorillas play a tag-like game of punch-and-run, possibly to help hone a sense of boundaries and prepare young apes for grown-up social interaction and conflict. Just like college! (You may want to turn your sound down for the video.) [Guardian]

[The Taranis, a prototype unmanned military jet, was unveiled Tuesday by the UK Ministry of Defense. The jet will be controlled by a ground crew, until it gains intelligence and murders us all. Pics via AP. Click through for more.]

Actors Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem, who are impossibly talented and good-looking and rich and Spanish, were married earlier this month, at a friend's house in the Bahamas, of course. Maybe that's where Colton Harris-Moore was headed? [AP]

The National League finally beat the American League, winning the MLB All-Star Game 3-1 for their first victory since 1996.

Tonight, an entire era of pointless, vapid reality television ended when The Hills signed off for forever. After four years of drinking, fighting, crying, breaking up and making frienemies, the girls examined their futures and it all ended for reals.

Rick Barber, the wannabe Republican candidate for Congress in Alabama, lost his runoff election, despite his informative and educational television ads, which featured him in conversation with various founding fathers, and Abraham Lincoln.

Howard Stern, lover of feuds (like this one, or this one), has found a new enemy: sexxxy broadcaster Larry King. After King scoffed at the thought of being replaced by him, Stern fought back hard on his radio show yesterday.

A federal court ruled that the FCC's "unconstitutionally vague" indecency policies violate the First Amendment.

We all love office pranks. Who doesn't like to scare their co-workers into fearing for their livelihoods? But we've never seen anything like this. We present to you: The Greatest Rupert Murdoch Prank of All Time

Tonight, in Anaheim, Major League Baseball's All-Star game is underway. This morning, the sport lost one of its most well-known figures: New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner. And as expected, the late powerhouse was honored before tonight's game. Videos inside.

Has anyone seen a six-foot-tall septuagenarian with an oxygen tank and a cane around New York City recently? Because one just robbed a clothing store last week.

While in college, TJ Miller tended to drink too much. Due to this, he took some preventative measures to stop his friends from messing with his inebriated self.

Apple was busted today for deleting multiple customer forum posts about a negative Consumer Reports review of its new iPhone. Maybe an Apple.com moderator simply went rogue, but now the company will have to deal with the PR fallout.

[Was the Wicked Witch of the East crushed in Times Square earlier? No, it was Madame Tussauds that unveiled the six-foot tall ruby red slippers on West 42nd Street today. Image via AP]

Serious Lunch takes a look at the longstanding trend of Bad Boys being drawn to the back of the classroom. They even get some help from The Office's Ellie Kemper!

Rule No. 37 of comparing Obama to Hitler: It's hard to walk back a billboard. The North Iowa Tea Party has put up a billboard in Mason City, Iowa, comparing Hitler, Lenin and President Obama, reports the Associated Press.

Today we told you about a new miracle drug that will make all fat Americans skinny (and crazy). Most of you just made fat people jokes, but one person gave us some actual pharmacological insight.

Australian police Sergeant Andrew Lawrance might lose his job after offending his boss when he attached a bottle opener to his penis piercing and opened a beer with it at a police Christmas party. What a way to get canned.

Today, everyone's favorite marketing maven, Isaiah Mustafa, took to the internet creating personal YouTube responses for pretty much everyone. As long as they loved Old Spice's non sequitur, deep voiced campaign. But who doesn't? Our top five tweets, inside.