On last night's The Gates, Brett kills a man and gets in trouble with an elder werewolf, who is also his football coach. The dramatic confrontation is incredibly cheesy, especially with Brett's ultimate consequence: getting kicked off the football team.

In your sedate summer Monday media column: NBC's shirt budget is astronomical, our hard work finally acknowledged, a Getty Photoshop mini-scandal, a new NYT Berlin bureau chief, smarty sportswriters talk amongst themselves, and your daily "oh, snap."

This is the house where Mel Gibson lives. It is where he allegedly punched ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva, and where he sat when he yelled into the phone that she "fucking deserved it." Wouldn't you like a virtual tour?

After Sarah Palin "coined" the word "refudiate" yesterday and compared herself to William Shakespeare, the Twitter tag "#ShakesPalin" has been offering many more noble contributions to the Humanities, Refudiate.com is up-and-running with ads and T-shirt sales, and so on.

In a local news report, a reporter tested water samples from the Gulf with explosive results. So basically, not only are you swimming in oil, but there is enough chemicals in the water to cause an explosion. Yeah.

"Pls send thsi firm wide and to my whole roladex asap"—5WPR in action.

This week on Holly's World, Holly decides to buy her assistant Angel breast implants for her 21st birthday. In this heart-to-heart Holly talks about what lead her to having big boobs: Destiny.

Ha, poor M. Night. In a trailer for the upcoming horror movie Devil, a title card reads, ridiculously, "From the mind of M. Night Shyamalan." Ten years ago, that phrase meant something. Now the audience just groans and laughs. Wah-wahhh.

[Ozzy Osbourne gets fro-yo on his nose in Malibu. Image via Pacific Coast News.]

The Washington Post has released the first installment of its hyped two-year investigation into post-9/11 intelligence and national security growth, from William Arkin and the legendary Dana Priest. It's a freaking tome and will be playing all week. Be terrified.

Heart attack triathlons! EZ-fix knees! Swimming keeps you alive! Fat mixing! Fitness cruise! Post-baby bodies! And the only weightlifting tips you'll ever need to watch! It's your Monday Fitness Watch, where we watch your fitness—while sipping opium-laced lard juice!

America's sexiest security threat is shopping a $250,000 interview, considering Playboy, and entertaining a million-dollar porn offer. This may violate her plea bargain, but she has access to Swiss bank accounts. (What do you take her for, an amateur?)

Gawker.TV Trivia, a daily question & answer game that tests your knowledge of television—past and present. Do you think that you've got it? Check out the answer to today's question, inside.

Crista Flanagan, who plays Mad Men's Lois, the secretary who ran someone over with a riding lawnmower, is recreating the '60s pin-up thing in the current issue of Playboy. Now we're really, ahem, excited for the new season.

The actor and hiptellectual (we're just making up words these days, right Sarah?) announced on Good Morning America today that he will be teaching a "very special class" in New Haven next year. What should it be? We have ideas.

George Steinbrenner was a goldmine for sports journalists—the kind of public figure who never said anything that didn't deserve to be recorded for posterity. On Sunday morning, ESPN paid tribute to The Boss via his own words.

Long before FOX News and MSNBC began propagating truthiness, Woodrow Wilson created the Committee on Public Information to keep impressionable American minds from straying too far to the left, or even worse, to Kaiser Bill and the Huns.

Incredibly vain parents are actually buying Huggies horrible denim diapers, so much so the brand regained the market share they recently lost to Pampers. This can only mean one thing: diaper war.

New York City has long been refreshingly free of elderly people, thanks to a "go-go" pace that guarantees they will be mugged at least twice per year. Now, however, NYC olds are demanding preposterous concessions from the rest of us.

This weekend a mind-bender seared the most eyeballs, an animated romp predictably held on, and Disney's latest adventurefest fizzled like a broken wand.