He might, he just might be. Also today: Good news about a promising sitcom, Daniel Radcliffe is going to get the pants scared off him (not literally), Grey's Anatomy welcomes a new hunk, and the Glee guy is very rich.

The Way We Live Now: grasping for the worst case scenario. We can't help it. Comparing our own situation to the Great Depression helps us to maintain the illusion that it can't get any worse. Simultaneously, we sink deeper. Deeper.

Today at Gawker.TV, Holly Madison buys her 21-year-old assistant breast implants for her birthday, The Soup bids adieu to The Hills, Tiger Woods has a dirty mouth, and Regis Philbin can't keep his old-man-hands off of Paul Rudd's face.

Congratulations to itsnotabear for being the first person to answer today's Freeze Frame. Click through for the answer.

Fox and Friends obtained Alvin Greene's first speech for the South Carolina Senate seat and aired their favorite clips. Needless to say, Alvin Greene did not garner himself an endorsement.

After a mandatory body mass screening, the state of Massachusetts deemed nine-year-old Shelby Sumner overweight and sent a letter to her parents to notify them of her corpulence. On a side note, skinny girls got As for being anorexic.

The new financial reform bill will create a consumer protection agency, the brainchild of professor and TARP overseer Elizabeth Warren, Washington's toughest regulatory voice. She should obviously be its first director! But what if she's "too tough" on banks?

Charice, the 18-year-old Filipino singer, is preparing for her role in the upcoming season of Glee not by practicing her singing or dancing, but by getting Botox and other treatments. This is really dumb.

We all know that Tiger Woods likes dirty text messages, among other things. Turns out he's got a potty mouth, too! Here's video of Woods dropping multiple f-bombs on live television yesterday, after missing a putt at the British Open.

Tens of thousands of armies have been created as users engage in snack-sized combat across the web. Fight against opponents live on a myriad of battlefields. Or test your mettle against an army controlled by General Chester himself. The choice is yours.

Allison Williams, daughter of news anchor Brian Williams and former student at Yale, plays a sexy TA in College Musical, a production starring fellow Yale student and YouTube star Sam Tsui.

The denizens of internet troll hive 4chan.org launched an attack on Gawker Media's servers at noon Eastern today, apparently unhappy we wrote about how they coordinated the harassment of an 11-year-old girl. We survived the onslaught, but 4chan isn't done.

"Wahh, I live in a Northeastern city and am unaccustomed to weather suitable for human life. Therefore I will complain about this alleged 'heat wave' we've been having." That's what I hear all the time. Hey: it's not that hot.

Terrell Owens takes his diva status a step further when he throws a princess party for two of his daughters. To nobody's surprise, the drama queen seems perfectly at home dressing up in women's clothing.

Watch as gay freaks who want families of their own, and thus hate families, "bully and intimidate" a poor Albany woman who was just trying to sit and watch a National Organization for Marriage rally in peace. She was threatened!

Last night on Chad Ochocinco: The Ultimate Catch, Jasmine enlists the help of three housemates to zip her up in a one-size-too-small dress. Oh, the perils of being a girl! Video inside.

Tea Party 365 founder David Webb kicked Tea Party Express leader Mark Williams out of the Tea Party Federation yesterday, for being racist. And plans are underway for a sexy Tea Party Race Summit, with live music and black people!

Behold, a hidden gem from the Sesame Street vault: a Mariah Carey parody in which a barn animal—introduced by the host as "Mariah Cowey," natch—sings "Some Hay," a take on "Someday" with a dried grass twist. Video inside.

The Jersey Shore cast is on "strike" and won't film more episodes until they get more money. The producers say everyone on the show is expendable. What would our favorite guidos do if their gravy train comes to an end?

"News You Can't Use" is pretty consistently the funniest segment on Morning Joe: hosts and guests alike take a break from political commentary and make fun of each other and, on good days, Rod Blagojevich.