Say you're an entrepreneur trying to sell parasailing trips at the beach, but advertisements aren't working. What do you do? Attach a screaming donkey to a parachute and let it drift, because nothing says "beach getaway" like a tortured animal.

In addition to "seepage" detected at four sites around the well, small amounts of oil and gas are leaking from the new containment cap, and BP may try to kill the well again. Where's well assassin Pat Campbell? [Washington Post]

Comic, actor, and ghostbuster Bill Murray is interviewed in this month's issue of GQ, where he claims that he thought Garfield was a Coen brothers movie. He also responds to a famous, often-repeated urban legend in which he features prominently.

Every ambitious young person in New York wishes to secure a position as an intern in the court of the city's benevolent philosopher-king, Michael of Bloomberg. But how can one get a City Hall internship? Simply follow our foolproof plan!

[This delightful furry fellow is a Horton Plains slender loris, a species thought to be extinct until it was photographed in Sri Lanka by the Zoological Society of London. Next time let's use red-eye reduction, okay guys? Pic via AP.]

Greek investigative journalist Socratis Giolas was gunned down on Monday, possibly by left-wing terrorists.

A new study indicates that foreign accents make statements seem "less truthful," possibly because accents make speakers more difficult to understand (strong accents seem even less credible). This is why no one trusts Heidi Klum. [Science Daily via]

Just like high school, someone's weave got pulled out last week on RHONJ, so there'll be hell to pay this week. Real problems are solved in fancy courts, so Danielle went after a 19-year-old girl for pulling her hair.

As usual, Rob tries to convince Drama to live dangerously. When going crazy in the Fantasy Factory doesn't work out, Rob enlists the help of Chad Ochicinco, who's living dangerously on MTV when not being a catch on VH1.

Lindsay Lohan's latest lawyer, former O.J. Simpson attorney Robert Shapiro—whom she hired when her previous lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, fled screaming into the mountains—met with Lohan's judge to say he "could no longer represent her." [TMZ]

[Tesla owners? Smug? LOL. A motorist out driving his or her Tesla—that's an electric car brand, for those of you who take the subway—had a message for fellow drivers. Pic via Reddit.]

Glenn Beck says that he's been diagnosed with macular dystrophy, and could go blind within a year. "I knew that at 3!" Beck said. "You might go blind someday. You might not." [Deseret News]

Before he had his eponymous show or his job as the host of The Price Is Right, Drew Carey made jokes about his eating habits.

Can't get enough of Danielle Staub? Neither can she. If you're planning on watching the Real Housewives of New Jersey, join our live blog of "What a Knockout" and discuss the show as you watch.

The heroic Wobblies of Jersey Shore may have just executed a successful strike: MTV will reportedly make a deal for somewhere near the cast's initial demand of $30,000 an episode. Solidarity forever! Bread and roses! Bread and roses! [THR]

Want to see a privileged white kid get his ass kicked? Al Gore Jr. ("Kid Blanco") is participating in a heavyweight Wall Street boxing match tomorrow, for indulging homoeroti—I mean, for charity. His opponent: Ken "The Carnivore" Cunningham.

Microblogging startup Tumblr has cracked the internet top 50, yet remains impossibly twee. Hipster magic!

Tired of inoffensive comedy with no sexist tones? Well check out the Harvard Sailing Team and enjoy their brand of insightful misogyny.

[Someone applauds the necessity of a bike lane as the racers in the 15th leg of the Tour de France ride through Pamiers today. Image via AP]

Yesterday, competing groups held marriage rallies in Providence, RI. On one side: the anti-gay marriage National Organization for Marriage. On the other: Queer Action of Rhode Island. Honestly, though? This crazy guy speaking in tongues stole the show. Video inside.