The Obamas will spend an August weekend vacationing on the Gulf Coast. Jesus, don't they know how oily it is there? Anyway, this comes before their real vacation to Martha's Vineyard, nicely defusing the inevitable "snobby vacation" criticism. [Image: AP]

TONIGHT: Big Brother 12 is all new—and live!—as the second houseguest of the season is voted off. Also, new episodes of SYTYCD (where one of the top six gets sent home), Bethenny Getting Married?, Futurama and much more!

Even better than his yearbook photo is this family portrait of Jersey Shore's The Situation and his siblings from MTV's When I Was 17. How did he let his sister block his abs? Bonus shot of DJ Paulie D inside.

Obesity life stage suggestions! Safe vaginal birth! West Nile everywhere! Hep C hope! Strong like a garbage man! Dangerous like makeup! Deadly like fungus! It's your Thursday Health Watch, where we watch your health—while keeling over!

After a toxic poison burned the eyes of Saddleback Church's Pastor Rick Warren, he tweeted a request for prayers. Three hours later, the anti-gay mega-church creationist who gave Obama's inaugural invocation had been saved! Let us relive the miracle.

Independent candidates for Wisconsin's state assembly are allotted five words on the ballot to explain themselves. Milwaukee's Ieshuh Griffin went with the classic, "NOT the 'whiteman's bitch.'" (They're so focus-grouped, these days.) Why would the state election board reject this?

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg finally spoke out on a Web designer's strange claim to own 84 percent of the social network. Zuckerberg says the lawsuit is insane, and a Facebook spokesman implied it's part of a shakedown attempt.

Today at Gawker.TV, Steve Carell teases Anchorman 2, Christina Hendricks is an object of lady-lust, January Jones thinks Betty Draper is a bad mother, and Ted Danson gripes about how Larry David won't cast him again on Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Congratulations to Anrkist for being the first person to answer today's Freeze Frame. Click through for the answer.

A dead jellyfish unleashed widespread panic when its body deteriorated and morphed into a cloud of disembodied stingers and descended upon a popular swimming beach in New Hampshire, stinging 150 and hospitalizing five. Disgusting local news report ahead!

The Way We Live Now: charging towards every incentive, negative or not. Survival is the bottom line. Drug sales? Yes! Stealing from neighbors? Yes! Good credit? Bah! Life is but a doll's carcass, full of dust.

ABC News now has its own iPad app! And on GMA this morning, Robin Roberts, George Stephanopoulos and Juju Chang demonstrated it for the viewers—or tried to—in a segment full of glitches and awkward/morbid story finds. Video inside.

The addicts who appear on A&E's Intervention have a 71 percent recovery rate, which is astonishingly high. Of the 161 addicts profiled on the show, 130 are allegedly still sober. See? Reality television isn't entirely bad after all.

[Mickey Rourke walks and talks with his two dogs in New York City. Image via Pacific Coast News.]

Mario Batali might be in hot water. Two ex-employees have filed a possible class-action suit against the celebrity chef, claiming that for years he's been underpaying workers and bilking them out of tips and overtime.

This new ad could appear on one million blogs, and each would carry the same headline. We believe this ad was created simply to facilitate this headline. Why else? Anyhow. Scotch tape: for oral sex. [Copyranter]

Adam Carolla stopped by Jimmy Kimmel Live to promote his new book and the former "Man Show" hosts ran through some possibilities for title/cover combo. Upon the revealing of the actual book, Kimmel was not that impressed.

Have you heard the story of Jessi Slaughter, the cautionary tale of an ill-tempered girl with a webcam, her family, and the nefarious minds at 4Chan? Here's everything you need to know about the latest Internet sensation.

Along with the rest of the crackerjack staff of the new Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce agency. Will Ken weasel in? Will Pete finally get the recognition he thinks he deserves? Will Joan leave The Jerk? Find out on Season 4 of Mad Men, premiering this Sunday!

Oyez! Oyez! Oyez! All persons having interest in Top Chef Season 7 D.C., are admonished to draw near and give their attention, for the season is now screening. God save the Gulag, goulash, and zeks.