Duquesne is a Catholic University in Pittsburgh with nearly 10,000 students. The school’s adjunct professors would like to unionize. Conveniently, Duquesne does not believe Jesus would be in favor of that.

Police believe that the Florida murders of Voncile Smith, 77, and her two adult sons may have been “ritualistic killings” that were connected to last week’s blue moon, an Escambia County Sheriff’s Office spokesman said. The Smiths were found dead in their Pensacola home on Friday.

If the purpose of protest is to move the needle of public opinion on a particular issue, the Black Lives Matter movement can be considered a success so far, according to a new Washington Post poll. If the poll’s numbers are accurate, many more Americans are concerned about black rights than were a year ago, before Ferguson.

A San Francisco Sheriff’s deputy was convicted of assault on Tuesday in connection with a 2014 incident where the officer choked and beat a cane-using homeless man, Reuters reports.

Cilantro—which tastes like diced garbage to millions of people but is included by default in many dishes anyway—has been linked to more than 380 stomach infections in America since May 1, likely due to contamination with human waste, the AP reports. Fuck cilantro.

A fight broke out at an Ohio prison last week when a drone dropped a package of drugs onto an outdoor recreation yard, the Associated Press reports.

The New York Times reports that seven people have now died and 86 have been sickened by a recent outbreak of Legionnaires’ disease in the South Bronx. At a press conference on Tuesday, Mayor de Blasio promised to introduce legislation designed to limit future outbreaks.

And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his horns ten crowns, and upon his heads the name of blasphemy. And the beast which I saw was like unto a leopard, and his feet were as the feet of a bear, and his mouth as the mouth of a lion: and the dragon gave him his power, and his seat, and great authority.

An Uber driver accused of raping a passenger in Dallas last week allegedly used a fake permit to outwit the company’s screening process, and would never have gotten the job if the company had checked a city database first.

The president’s new plan to fight climate change is modest at best, but it does open the door for states to impose their own versions of a carbon tax—the only thing that will actually work. Hurry up with it before we all die, idiots.

Barack Hussein Obama II is 54 years young today. You are probably wondering (aloud to a stranger on the street at this very moment): What should I send Obama for his birthday? I’m glad you asked.

This past June, three Santa Ana police officers were suspended after a video surfaced of them joking about kicking a woman in a wheelchair “in the fucking nub” and eating (what appears to be) weed-infused edibles during a raid of a medical marijuana dispensary. And now, those same cops want to ban that video from ever becoming evidence—because they didn’t realize they were on camera.

It has become increasingly accepted to regard long-term solitary confinement of prisoners as torture. A new report from a psychologist who interviewed prisoners in long-term isolation adds to the bracing literature about how our prison system routinely destroys humans.

“I want to get away, I want to fly away,” is what I assume Lenny Kravitz’s dick was singing to itself when it fell out of his pants yesterday at a concert in Stockholm.

Earlier this morning, a restaurant full of wildly unlucky, likely cursed New Hampshire voters had to pretend to eat breakfast while Chris Christie discussed the act of putting his penis inside of a woman’s vagina. Which he has done. Multiple times.

Two days ago, DJ and well-known dick Diplo posted to Instagram a photo of a fan at a concert—ostensibly Diplo-themed—holding a poster. On the poster is a picture of a towheaded toddler, flaunting a spectacular bowl cut. The words “I love ü Thomas West”—Diplo’s first and middle name is Thomas Wesley—are written beneath.

An Alexander City, Alabama, police officer was recorded speculating about murdering a black man named Vincent Bias, and kept his job after the incident, the Guardian reports.

After knocking out Meek Mill last week with successive diss tracks, Drake took the stage Monday night at OVOFest, his annual hometown celebration, to enter the fatality code and Finish Him.

Dotty Washington Post columnist and cane-waving oldie Richard Cohen still has his memory, thank god. And that memory is full of him hanging out with politicians. Has he told you about it?

A man now in his 60s claims that Edward Heath, who served as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom from 1970 to 1974 and died in 2005, raped him when he was 12 years old in 1961. Officials are also investigating claims that a police department worked to hide allegations of child sex abuse from Heath in the 1990s.