Jon Lajole does not consider himself a stand up comedian. He makes internet videos! He hates stand up comedians because all they do is complain. So, Jon Lajole complains about them.

Tomorrow, Glenn Beck intends to save this nation from communists and other ne'er-do-wells at his "Restoring Honor" rally, live from Washington D.C. Will you be there? Because we will! Oh, yes! In the meantime, here's what to expect.

Tomorrow is the day we've all been waiting for—Glenn Beck's big fat Conservative "Restoring Honor" rally at the Lincoln Memorial! Today he gave us a lil' peek into what crazy topics he'll be discussing on the steps.

[President Obama lead his family, including daughter Malia, on a bike ride through Manuel Correllus State Forest in Martha's Vineyard today. Good weather at last! Image via Getty]

Oh God, everything was so gay this week. So, so gay. Work is gay. Zombies gay. Even mosques are gay. Everything is gay gay gay.

In the mood for some bedbug-related fearmongering and/or pranks? Check out BedbugRegistry.com, where users catalog close encounters with the bloodsucking kind. Let us explore this terrorizing website and see whose lives we can ruin with it. Update: Bedbug Registry responds.

Three months ago, my esteemed coworker Whitney Jefferson was a special guest on The Urly Show, the weekly podcast of our friends at Urlesque. This week, it was my turn! Inside, watch me look awkward in front of a camera.

Washington State resident Ron Spears was really mad that he had to pay a $330 past due property tax. In protest, he decided to pay the whole thing in pennies. This did not go over well at the treasurer's office.

Today, well OK last night, we looked at an insane Mississippi school election that was all kinds of segregationist and racist and what have you. Why do these things always happen in the Magnolia State? One commenter explained.

In honor of Anna Wintour's fake charity Fashion's Night Out, Barneys New York commissioned doll maker Andrew Yang to produce a doll of the Vogue editrix. (Pins not included.) There's also one of Vogue hero Grace Coddington for cuddling.

Can you tell that it's Friday afternoon? Fresh from the abyss known as the "World Wide Web," here's a video of a chihuahua playing pool. Bonus: the little guy growls at each ball before he sinks it in the hole.

The Emmys are this Sunday, and we're a little bit excited. (But not too excited.) Especially when we remember just how fraught with peril TV's big night can be. Let's look at some of the worst, shall we?

Want to learn how to pour salt from your hand and impress girls while wearing trucker hats? You're in luck, with the "Magician of the Century"'s own magic kit. Hilariously, Criss isn't in this, and opted for a stand-in.

Sarah Palin-backed Alaska Senate candidate Joe Miller, who's likely to pull off a surprising upset over incumbent Sen. Lisa Murkowski in the Republican primary, thinks that Murkowski is a real whore. Oops! Here comes a deleted tweet...

Nirvana may have borrowed from Boston and the Pixies to craft "Smells Like Teen Spirit," but what if they delved even deeper? The sped-up video of Kurt Cobain "dancing" adds extra bounciness to this impossibly catchy mash-up.

Happy Emmys Weekend! Here's a peek at this year's seating chart. Do you think reveals anything special? I'm just excited that Steve Carell, NPH, and Joel McHale will all be seated together. More TV news inside!!

"The Delta Gamma girls wore sailor caps, and the Alpha Epsilon Phi ho wore similar green and white ones," reported the University of Florida's paper this week. Uh, Alpha Epsilon Phi hopefuls, they meant. Gurl U must believe them. [Romenesko]

Charlie Day's portrayal of Green Man in an episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia years ago has turned into a phenomenon. Spotted at sporting events, on the streets, on weirdos... do these people realize the significance of Green Man?

Earlier this week, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie lashed out at the Obama administration for not giving it a chance to correct an application error, costing the state $400 million in education funding. Apparently Jersey did have a chance, though!

[On her second public outing since leaving jail and rehab, Lindsay Lohan sports chipped blue nail polish and a sheer skirt en route to a business meeting in Santa Monica. We miss the "fuck u" nails. Image via INF.]