Yes, we'd all love to be Will Arnett and Amy Poehler's adopted child/servant/slave. Let this clip help out your fantasies with stories of the birth of their youngest son Abel. Will and Dave getting all fatherly looks great on them.

Young guys in NYC are always getting shot. Mostly by other young guys! And while you wild 18-34-year-olds just jump in front of bullets like it's a big party, guess who loses? Your municipal life expectancy, that's who.

No More Deaths, an aid organization that tries to prevent border-crossers from dying in the desert, as they do in droves, is celebrating a Ninth US Circuit Court of Appeals ruling that leaving water bottles in the desert isn't littering.

Jon Glaser made an entrance last night in a Delocated-branded motorcycle jacket on Late Night and then proceeded to serenade the audience all decked out as his character on the show. Video inside.

Last year, secret-sharing website Wikileaks released 573,000 pager intercepts from 9/11. A group of German psychology students used this data to create an "emotional timeline" of the day, tracing the ebb and flow of sadness, anxiety and anger.

What do natural disasters always give us, besides devastating damage and a chance to see if FEMA really works? Long, luscious shots of Al Roker proving his mettle against high speed winds and pouring rain. The glory of Al-kind inside.

Gawker.TV Trivia, a daily question & answer game that tests your knowledge of television—past and present. Do you think that you've got it? Check out the answer to today's question, inside.

Billboards that can see you are here. I guess that's about it, for humans.

Bosnian police say they've identified the teen filmed throwing puppies in a river. (She now faces a $6,400 fine for animal cruelty.) The girl lives in a town called Bugojno, which means 4chan was probably correct in its identification.

It's been almost a week since this year's Emmy Awards, but some of us can't help but obsess over that star-filled opening. A behind-the-scenes look of the rehearsals with Tina Fey, Jon Hamm, Joel McHale, Betty White and the rest!

Here in the Greatest Country On Earth, our "abstinence plan" consists of your friends telling you not to go home with that dude when you're drunk. But in China, they're lucky enough to be harangued by America's own evangelical loons!

It's only been about 100 years since effective neurosurgery could be practiced on patients. The ABC special Secrets of the Mind showed the strange alchemy between blunt force and what seems like magic in today's procedures.

Though he's gained on him overall, Leno's lost 23% of Conan O'Brien's share of the coveted 18-49 y.o. demographic. All told, these are the worst ratings Tonight has had since it premiered, in the late 1850s. Still beating Letterman, though.

Peter Orszag, the possibly-bald former White House Budget Director with an attractive woman or two at his side, is the newest Op-Ed columnist at the New York Times. But only once or twice a month. Lazy bum. [NYT]

At the end of Will Arnett's interview on the Late Show, he played a clip from Running Wilde—the show he co-produced with Arrested Development mastermind Mitch Hurwitz. Inside, check out a clip that features band leader Paul Shaffer.

The Pampers™ division of the mighty Procter & Gamble corporation has spent this entire year engaged in a harsh battle with angry diaper fundamentalists over its Drymax™ diapers. Now, Pampers has been vindicated! Will the war end peacefully?

Her married lover convinced her she was too young to be a mother. This aging rocker hits on his granddaughter's friends and a fantastic item about cast members of 90210 and Saved by the Bell. Everyone's living in the past!

Kat Von D goes public with Jesse James: "I am in love." Kendra Wilkinson wants to bite Beyonce's butt. T.I.'s drug arrest was for ecstasy. Vienna Girardi is so alone. TGIFriday gossip.

The Hollywood scion and Law & Order: SVU star recently purchased a $7.3M, 7,000 sq.ft, 11 bedroom vacation home in East Hampton. It was built in 1890, has "6.6" bathrooms (!), and hopefully no horrible sex felonies.

Tennis is the most repetitive of sports. But yesterday a real live fight broke out in the stands at the U.S. Open! Most exciting moment ever, at a tennis match? It seems likely.