Peter Kafka saw The Social Network and said the film depicts Facebook co-founder Mark Zuckerberg as "an insecure jerk who screws over people." More worrisome: The coke-and-tits scene that made Zuckerberg seem vaguely cool now lacks tits. Damage control time.

[Rafael Nadal gets his face all twisted returning a ball in his victorious first set against Novak Djokovic in the men's championship match at the U.S. Open this afternoon. Image via AP]

Definitive proof that God speaks English: He wrote "CAT" in this cat's fur. Unless, of course, cats are tools of a forgetful Devil who needs his disciples to wear name tags.

Judging from this preview clip, all signs are pointing to Cindy, the roommate of Rachel Bilson's character on the show. Granted it's only a minute-long clip, Ted is completely obsessed with discovering this new prospect—by only her ankles.

93% of women wash their hands after using public restrooms versus just 77% of men.

PETA's surprisingly reasonable complaint about Lady Gaga's meat dress: "After time spent under the TV lights, it would smell like the rotting flesh that it is and likely be crawling in maggots." That's why I prefer mink stoles.

Danny Donaduce has hidden his impressive nunchuck-wielding skills from the world, until now. The video, along with the musical accompaniment of U2, speaks for itself.

It's all very simple, as far as AOL's CEO is concerned: The Web is ugly because it was designed by Silicon Valley nerds, so let's hire creative geniuses like the Jonas Brothers to redesign it.

Michael Enright—the aspiring filmmaker who allegedly slashed a cab driver in New York because he was Muslim—was denied bail on Monday after his lawyer argued that Enright was suffering from PTSD and was an alcoholic, The Times reported.

According to this newly-released video announcement, Tim & Eric have major plans: a tour and Chrimbus special! The video features a gorgeous array of: Dad references, Wharf & P'kard of Star Trek imagery, Jaws appearances, mispronounced words, and sheer awkwardness.

The awkwardness inherent in two nerdy white girls rapping is completely overwhelmed (and explained) by this song's brilliant lyrics. Did I mention that it's about hand jobs? It's about hand jobs! [NSFW]

Entourage's seventh season ended with a bang—with Vince's drug problem intensifying. After he insults some lady friends, Eminem asks him to leave. Then all hell breaks loose. Watch the clip after the jump!

"One good tactic for speeding up a deal is to show lack of interest in it," writes Donald Trump in Trump: How to Get Rich. Trump ignored our offer Friday to buy his silence. The appropriate response? Press ahead, clearly.

Celebrity chef Paula Deen reaaalllyy loves the food she cooks. Watch as she takes a sensual bite of her baked potato with mushroom sauce and excuses herself to spend a little personal time with it.

Today we looked at the Saudi diplomat seeking asylum in the US because of his wicked gayness. One commenter looked at the problem and made a smart connection.

John Mayer has quit Twitter. Repeat: @JohnCMayer has qwittered. This startling development comes three days after Mayer tweeted a photo entitled "Self Portrait of The Artist Three Days Before His Metaphoric Retirement." Here are his last tweets, preserved for posterity.

Today during the coffee talk portion of the Wendy Williams Show, Wendy took the time to keep it real with everyone's favorite New Jersey-ans. Watch as she breaks down the Sammi/Ronnie relationship and offers some harsh advice for Snooki.

Joaquin Phoenix will appear on Letterman again, Lindsay Lohan wants to host SNL, say goodbye to Important Things With Demetri Martin, Jimmy Johnson talks Survivor, JLo gets $12 million to judge American Idol, an 80-hour Lost marathon, Steve Harvey hosts the Feud and an interview with Don Draper's sassy secretary.

Oprah Winfrey opened her final season today by trying to one-up her car giveaway when she announced that she's taking her entire audience on an Australian vacation. And John Travolta's flying them down! And the audience freaked out! Videos inside.

In your crowdsourced Monday media column: The Huffington Post covers the hell out of Arianna Huffington; Janice Min refuses to be spoon fed; and the New York Times lets NYU students loose on its blog.