[Young Lourdes listened carefully—into one ear whispered a devil, and into the other an angel, but she could not remember which was which. Taylor Momsen, Lourdes Leon, and Madonna at a Material Girl event via Splash.]

San Francisco's Twitter just rented space for its burgeoning New York staff. But don't call it an "office:" Twitter is insistent its only real office is in California, and the thing in Gotham is, by definition, ghetto and weak.

Today at Gawker.TV, Tina Fey explains why she doesn't use any social media tools, Modern Family returns, watch the awful first edition of the Gilligan's Island theme song, and Stephen Colbert brings his "fear" to Good Morning America.

Congratulations to skellywelly AND GitEmSteveDave for being the first person to answer today's Freeze Frame. Click through for the answer.

Another New York governor poll gives Andrew Cuomo a 33-point lead over Carl Paladino, so feel free to ignore this one from yesterday.

Today Dr. Oz opened the floor to the female anatomy and tips on healthy sex, producing a segment showered with awkward puns and audience members. Watch this guest "bowl" her way to an orgasm—what a sport.

We hear from multiple sources that Orla Healy, the legendarily-disliked features editor at the New York Daily News, has been let go. Since Martin Dunn left the paper, Healy's clock has been ticking. Time's up. We hear. [UPDATED below].

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie was in California yesterday stumping for Meg "$$$" Whitman, when guess what happens? Another goddamn heckler interrupts and starts offending Meg Whitman's honor! Luckily, Chris Christie was there to intervene and chew out the vulgarian.

Unlimited health care! Avandia outlawed! Mammograms dismissed! MS pills! Safe sex banned! Fat Canadians! Overweight college girls! And scary AIDS facts! It's your Thursday Health Watch, where we watch your health—while eating and sexing, all at once!

The show revolves around three couples: one in the "honeymoon" phase, one unmarried couple together for nine years, and an older couple married for 35 years. Hope you like your current relationship or this show might make you feel awkward!

Apparently bears are just like little kids: They hate zucchini! When a small-ish 200-pound black bear attacked a Missoula-area woman's collie, she got its attention, was clawed in the leg, and then threw a zucchini, causing the bear to flee.

The BBC science show Bang rigged up a camera to film food rotting for two weeks. The resulting time-lapse footage is truly gnarly. If the mold and bacteria don't gross you out, the maggots will. Bon appétit!

Über Hauptmeow! This German detective cat will stop at nothing to get to shove himself into the vase of mystery. Agility is this little guy's first language, oder?

Here's a trailer for The King's Speech, the British prestige drama that recently won the Toronto Film Festival and is about... a king with a stutter. That's it. But, you know, it's set against the backdrop of WWII and stuff.

A pair of scientists proved that having millions of followers on Twitter doesn't mean you're influential, about anything, ever. Whatever, I bet nobody follows scientists on Twitter, anyway. Rigorous quantifiable data? TL;DR, bitches! [NYT]

Enthrian (Robot) is the most expensive Indian film ever made. And also the most awesome. The film features not only a giant robot snake eating cop cars but also at least five dance numbers.

Joe Biden sounded pretty desperate at a fundraiser today, hoping that radical, frightening Tea Party primary victories will "shake some of our constituency out of their lethargy" for election day. A not-9.6% unemployment rate would probably be more effective, though.

In your scaremongering Thursday media column: Nat Geo sells out to the Muslims, Hearst's outside-the-box new program gives employees "money," the NYT Co. expects people to pay to read the Boston Globe, and Bill Keller is a put-down artist.

We immediately have forgiven Julianne Moore's gnarly Boston accent we were forced to listen to on the last season of 30 Rock upon seeing this montage. Julianne Moore, we salute you—you can really cry!

Try as she did, her presence on air last night didn't get people worked up. Also today: Matt Dillon gets a juicy role, Angelina finds her leady lady, and two favorite Lost actors are getting together for a new show!