Verlyn Klinkenborg writes for the New York Times editorial page and is absolutely unbearable. He writes twee musings about his farm. In the world's greatest newspaper. Two years ago, I asked him to stop. Instead, he's gotten worse than ever.

When a deejay offered six figures for a forehead tattoo, David Jonathan Winkelman did it—and then everyone laughed at him and said it was a joke. Now he has to relive the humiliation with a mugshot gone viral.

Once the fourth-largest metropolis in America, some have called Detroit the Death of the American Dream. Today, young people are creating the new Detroit on their own terms, against real adversity. Johnny Knoxville recently went to the Motor City to check it out for himself.

Obnoxious geyser of celebrity news TMZ gave 16-year-old Justin Bieber a hard time for making out in a Honda. When asked about it, Bieber denied ever being in a Honda. Hondas are great cars, what's the big deal?

Ex-congressman Rick Lazio has ended his brief Conservative Party candidacy for New York governor, because it was dumb.

Mentalist Lior Suchard tried to dazzle Kathie Lee and Hoda with magic tricks on the Today Show. Except Hoda was not having any of his foolishness, telling him, "you're creeping me out." Inside, watch Suchard perform awkward and confusing tricks.

Katy Perry and Russell Brand are NYC tourists no more: They've purchased a $2.9 million pied a terre in Manhattan. The 1,500-square-foot apartment also comes with a terrace where Katy can terrorize neighborhood children with her breasts. Photos below.

In your soggy Monday media column: the HuffPo unpaid writer revolt begins, the New Yorker's on the iPad, a CNN anchor admits he was molested, Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck are hated and loved, and John Koblin leaves the NYO.

Katy Perry appeared on Extreme Home Makeover while they were building a house for Boys Hope Girls Hope—an organization that fosters disadvantaged kids. The exposed Perry said some encouraging things and she even gave a girl her shoes!

Google just invested $1 million in a monorail system powered by human pedalers. This could be the future of urban transportation, according to some New Zealanders.

The Daily What asks, "What sort of world is this where Darth Vader as Surprised Kitty has just over 10k views on YouTube, while this has 97 million?" We couldn't agree more! Inside, help up the views of the earlier.

Another story of parental embarrassment from CBS' Early Show: A cop in California found out his stepdaughter was having sex with her boyfriend, so he handcuffed and threatened the boy with criminal charges. Dads can be so embarrassing.

"I don't have a Facebook page because I have little interest in hearing myself talk about myself," says Jesse Eisenberg, who plays Mark Zuckerberg in The Social Network. Fun fact: Jesse's cousin works at Facebook HQ.

Last Friday was the premiere of CBS' new cop drama Blue Bloods, which follows a family of New York City cops starring Tom Selleck and his moustache. Though not entirely inventive, it is pretty effective, for half the episode.

Watch your back, Democracy: "More people are getting their news about the upcoming election from cable television than any other source." Are more people voluntarily staring directly into the sun nowadays, too? It would only make sense, behaviorally.

Daily Profile: Tim Gunn

Have you ever asked yourself, "Is there anyone who doesn't love Snooki?" I have, and I could never answer, "Yes!" until this morning, when—during a Morning Joe discussion on education—Lawrence O'Donnell hated on the Princess of Poughkeepsie.

Twitter is now charging in the six figures for "promoted tweets," a remarkably humble term for advertising that will run $1,000+ per character. Only the primo content gets to insert itself next to @KimKardashian and @50Cent tweets. [WSJ]

No more Four Seasons dining and rejected second novels. The only television show currently on the air developed by a Brooklyn novelist returns for a second season with an episode branding print publishing as a bad breakup and/or dungeon fetish.

Not to alarm you, but forces beyond your control are working right now to limit your right to be bombarded with ads for dick-hardening pills during every televised sporting event and prime time show. Sex-hating Puritans? Even worse: doctors.