Look at what prestigious Time magazine put on its website yesterday: this dumb poll that doesn't even make sense. Japery—or mistakery? Oh, mercy. You can't make this stuff up, folks. Click to enlarge—if you dare!

TONIGHT: The series premiere of Law & Order: Los Angeles, plus new episodes of Undercovers, Better with You, The Defenders, The Whole Truth, Hell's Kitchen, The Middle, Law & Order: SVU, Criminal Minds, Modern Family, Cougar Town, and much more!

We always hear about celebrities checking into rehab for their various addictions, expletive-laden tirades, or episodes of "exhaustion." Lindsay Lohan just checked in yesterday for the eighth time. Where do they disappear to while trying to get clean? Let's look.

Who says assassins have to be stealthy? This guy's got the swagger to hide in plain sight and the common courtesy to inform his targets that he'll be gunning for them.

Texas Rep. Louis Gohmert, a terribly silly person best known for his "terror babies" warning, has devised an ingenious plan to eliminate welfare forever! Recipients can promise to never joins the welfare rolls again, in exchange for some farmland.

Today at Gawker.TV, Christopher Meloni plays "Water War," Levi Johnston's embarrassing interview, Mark Ballas and DWTS cross-over to Melissa & Joey, a Bobby Brown video homage, and Running Wilde proves that the show is no Arrested Development.

Congratulations to GitEm$teveDave for being the first person to answer today's Freeze Frame. Click through for the answer.

The Way We Live Now: protecting our damn selves. It's true that fifty states together make a "union" of sorts, but we've discovered it's more productive to "unionize" only with other successful types. I mean, Mississippi? Who even lives there?

From today's local news broadcasts, an Easter egg: the title sequence for WABC 7's noon broadcast ad an interesting—and unintentional—start, when meteorologist Bill Evans was caught on camera giving his best Austin Powers impersonation. The funny video, inside.

Meg Whitman's maid's "explosive" press conference was pretty run-of-the-mill: Nicky Diaz Santillan says Meg knew she was an undocumented worker and treated her "like a piece of garbage." Meg's response: "I believe Nicky is being manipulated by Gloria Allred."

Watch this presentation for SingTel, which uses augmented reality to create three-dimensional images in an attempt to either aid the presentation, or make you believe you're tripping balls. If only all work meetings could be this awesome!

Wasilla, Alaska mayoral candidate Levi Johnston appeared on Lawrence O'Donnell's new MSNBC show last night to answer a classic question set: Those that Katie Couric stumped his baby's grandmother Sarah Palin with two years ago. Levi fares... about the same!

She'll talk to you, she'll play games with you, and for a little extra she'll consider doing even more. Welcome to GameCrush, the new website that helps nerds battle loneliness and young women battle the recession.

Rachel Zoe's trusty gay sidekick (and total dreamboat) Brad Goreski has tendered his resignation as Zoe's style director. The split is amicable, unlike when she dumped stylist Taylor Jacobson. We guess this means Brad's getting his own show.

Last night Melissa McCarthy stopped by The Late Late Show to promote Mike and Molly and after some severe flirting and a double entendre or two Craig Ferguson broke out his "mouth whistle" resulting in an impromptu jam session.

The Washington Post is no longer accepting massage parlor ads. More for Village Voice Media!

Daniel Tosh attempts to cram as many wacky and outrageous elements as he can into what he calls the "most perfect internet video ever," which culminates with Daniel himself vomiting on a toddler's head to snuff out a fire.

Michael Bolton's shoddy dancing is what did him in, getting him eliminated early from the 11th season of DWTS. Afterwards, he reveals his 90-year-old mother was present to witness the drubbing taken from judge Bruno.

[Strolling with actress girlfriend Ashley Greene, Joe Jonas sends a message with his t-shirt. Joe quit wearing his chastity ring earlier this year. Image via Pacific Coast News.]

We depend on you, dear reader, for information. Email (tips@gawker.com) or call (646-214-8138) anytime. Anonymity assured.