Earlier this month, a train carrying watches, television sets and other luxury items for North Korea's heir apparent Kim Jong-un was derailed in what some speculate was an act of sabotage. No Desperate Housewives in HD for you, Little Kim!

Serious question — Who pays $80 to see Cheap Trick? Also: They're still around?

On Christmas Day, a Chicago cab driver picked up 25-year-old Joseph Hoffman. When they arrived at Hoffman's destination, he was passed out cold. The driver eventually called police, who found a mobile meth lab and other drugs worth $450,000.

A new study by the British Heart Foundation found that in the year 2000, the average British man was 16.9 pounds heavier than in 1986. The reason? Eating lots of shitty food and getting less exercise. You don't say! [BBC]

[While the U.S. Northeast handles "Snowpocalypse," North India is dealing with "A-fog-alypse"—thick fog disrupting flight and train schedules and leaving thousands of passengers stranded. Image via AP]

Have you seen the Times' account of the final hours of the Deepwater Horizon oil rig? Because: Wow.

An undercover cop slapped Milwaukee resident Terry Duncan with a $500 ticket for cursing on a bus. Cursing! On a bus! Apparently, the words he used "started with an 'f' and an 's.'" So... "fart"? And "sex"? [WISN]

East Haven, Conn., is a quiet suburb of New Haven with a "peaceful, small-town setting and thriving businesses." Unless you are Latino, in which case it's the place where you're targeted with "traffic stops, false arrests and even jailhouse beatings."

If you're reading this, chances are you're warm and cozy—either because you're inside, or because you're not in the Northeast, suffering through "Snowpocalypse" or whatever the hell the Weather Channel is calling it. Here's what it looks like.

Wikileaks founder Julian Assange signed a $1 million deal with Random House for his memoirs to help pay his legal bills and keep Wikileaks afloat. He should call it Julian Assange and the Chamber of Secrets! Or, something funny.

A retired CIA codebreaker deciphered a 147-year-old message sent to Confederate Lt. Gen. John Pemberton while he was defending against Gen. Ulysses S. Grant's siege of Vicksburg. It reads, "JP - Kind of reconsidering this whole 'secession' thing. Sry! Peace."

Both JFK and Newark airports are closed thanks to the storm. Hope your parents have cable!

Sinbad discusses why he would never steal all that money like Bernie Madoff. Not because he is too moral, but because of the constant anxiety of getting caught.

Philadelphia radio station WDAS and CNN correspondent Roland Martin are reporting that "Lovergirl" singer Teena Marie has died at age 54. Marie (a.k.a. Lady T) released 13 albums over her career, including the utterly badass Irons in the Fire.

Not a great month to be Hugh Jackman's body. Here, playing cricket, he takes a hit to the groin served from one of the game's greats, Shane Warne. This would make Hans Moleman proud.

The alphabet song doesn't need to be updated, but that didn't stop the boys at FatAwesome from trying. Watch this Lonely Island-esque video bring the ubiquitous pre-school jingle to unnecessary hype and heights. Hilarity inside.

Here is a clip from 1965 that features the beloved Bond villain Odd Job walking onto the Tonight Show set. He and Johnny Carson do not exchange words; rather, Odd Job segues from having a cough to wrecking the set.

[A monitor at Reagan National Airport in Arlington, Virginia, shows canceled flights today as the East Coast gets hammered by a snowstorm. Image via AP]

An 88-year-old Brazilian woman, Maria das Dores, was declared dead on December 22 at a hospital in her town. Luckily an undertaker decided to check inside the coffin, because she was still breathing and moving. An investigation is underway. [Telegraph]

Gareth Williams, the MI6 codebreaker who was found dead and stuffed in a locked duffle bag, was most definitely not gay, a friend says. Rather, he was practicing for an undercover assignment by hanging out in gay clubs.