Natalie Mendoza, who suffered a concussion while playing the villain Arachne in the first preview of the disastrous new Broadway musical Turn Off the Dark, is apparently leaving the production, according to inside sources. Good. Safety first, after all.

Your feelings about Natalie Portman's Uterus Theme Week are a window to your soul. Taylor Swift and Gwyneth Paltrow are besties. Miley's salvia bong for sale. Lily Allen and LeAnn Rimes are engaged. (Separately.) Tuesday gossip is aglow.

She takes one out to the red carpet and takes one home to bed. This actor is guilty about hazing in college and this celeb chef is diddling a football player. We're making their private lives public!

Last week, we showed you a clip of G4TV's Alex Sim-Wise getting naked and painted in the UK. In today's video, she plays dress-up in Tokyo, terrifying unsuspecting pedestrians while disguised as a vending machine.

Here's a trailer for the Don Roos film The Other Woman, a drama filmed two years ago that's just now getting a small release, possibly now that Natalie Portman is the movie star of the moment. It looks good?

Still stuck inside staring out the unpaved arctic wasteland that used to be your block? How about a kitten playing foosball to lighten the mood?

It's NFL Week 16, but ESPN's graphics department is still having issues. This clip from last night's MNF shows a couple of "lorem ipsum" teams rounding out the NFC playoff picture with records of 0-0. As if we wouldn't notice!

On Chelsea Lately tonight, Handler proved she's more than just a slutty comedian (in your face, Kathy Griffith). Watch as Chelsea is "freed" by the music.

[A young boy pisses off a tiger (behind glass) with his paper horn at the Malabon Zoo in the Philippines today. Image via AP]

The NYT's City Room blog has a handy, steadily updated guide to mass transit delays around the city, and while things are getting better, taking public transportation is going to suck today. Have fun out there! [City Room; AP]

A 28-year-old police officer in the Mexican border town of Guadalupe, Erika Gándara, has been missing since gunmen stormed her home last Thursday. She was the last remaining cop in the town after her colleagues had resigned or been killed.

On Christmas Eve, a Dallas pastor, Sandy McGriff, was arrested for breaking into her friend's home and allegedly stealing fur coats, a laptop, and designer purses. McGriff says she thwarted two burglars, but an eyewitness has a different story.

Go-go dancers, snakes, and top shelf booze... Russians know how to throw a holiday party.

Meet Rebel, the 8-month-old German Shepherd who stuck his head into an 18-inch wall and couldn't get it out. (It took about an hour, but Riverside County Animal Services officers were able to free him.) [Image via AP]

Some 500 people on a subway in New York City were stuck on the tracks for seven hours on Sunday night after snow on the third rail shorted out the train's power. Meaning they had no heat.

A dedicated group of thieves drove an unattended forklift through the wall of an Oregon general store while it was closed on Saturday. The only thing they took was beer. There are, frankly, worse ways to spend Christmas.

Remember the guy caught on a security camera wheeling a suitcase stuffed with a body down 114th Street in Manhattan? Police think they've found him: Fifty-five-year-old Hassan Malik, who apparently confessed to the murder on Tuesday.

Looking for a way to experience the pleasures of buying and selling stocks, while also remaining compliant with Islamic law? Look no further than the Bombay Stock Exchange, which just opened an index composed solely of Shariah-compliant stocks.

Musician Elton John and husband David Furnish are now the parents of Zachary Jackson Levon Furnish-John, born to a surrogate. They should have named it "Jet," and then had another kid named "Jet," and called themselves, "Elton and the Jets."

Last week, we showed you a pair of stranded deer who were blown to safety by a helicopter. Now, another rescued-by-helicopter video—this time starring a calf who was stranded on a frozen Oklahoma pond. The harrowing footage, inside.