Silvio Berlusconi went on television last night to deny accusations that he played "bunga bunga" with a teenage hooker, saying he's in a "stable, affectionate relationship" with one woman who wouldn't allow these raunchy soirees "at dinner or after dinner."

Australia's ABC News has put together a fascinating, and sort of terrifying, set of interactive before-and-after satellite photos of the apocalyptic floods in Brisbane, Australia. Above: The suburb of Fairfield. [ABC News]

Remember when somebody slowed down Justin Bieber's "U Smile" by 80% and it became a haunting ballad? Well, I'll do you one better: here's John Williams' Jurassic Park theme, slowed down 90%—10 times as long, infinitely more awesome.

Per his wishes, the ashes of Portuguese journalist Carlos Castro—who was apparently murdered by his very disturbed 20-year-old model lover—were scattered in a Times Square subway grate. In true New York fashion, it was probably illegal.

Looks like alleged Arizona gunman Jared Loughner will be tried in San Diego. Can't think of a better place.

On tonight's Simpsons, we dealt with another unfortunate romantic pursuit by Seymour Skinner, who falls in love with Wiig's crunchy, passionate music teacher.

A new study has found that smoking a cigarette can cause genetic damage within minutes—so quickly it's "equivalent to injecting [pollutants] directly into the bloodstream." But, obviously, injecting terrible chemicals directly into your bloodstream won't make you cool.

This year's Golden Globes ceremony has ended, but that doesn't mean we have to stop talking about it! From Ricky Gervais' controversial turn as host, to Jane Fonda's nip slip—and much more!—here are the show's most memorable moments.

Kim and Kandi are on tour, so some inevitable drama happened when NeNe met the crew in Florida and one of the noisiest fights on this season of Real Housewives of Atlanta erupted. Watch it all go down inside.

Some 617 people have died and 14,000 left homeless after ruinous mudslides tore through neighborhoods around Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. This dog, Leao, has been visiting her owner Cristina Maria Cesario Santana's grave since Santana's death. Oh, my.

A woman in Indiana called 911 because she felt Facebook was too slow in removing a "nude self-portrait photograph" from its site. People. This is not what 911 is for. Let's review.

Rep. Gabrielle Giffords (D - Ariz.), who was shot in the head by a gunman a week ago, has had her condition upgraded to "serious." Which is a good thing! They also removed the breathing tube from her throat. [WSJ]

Veteran actor Robert De Niro received the Cecil B. DeMille Award for lifetime achievement at tonight's Golden Globes. It was quite. His awkward, rambling, try-hard acceptance speech—during which he made several off-color jokes, like a drunk uncle—was not.

A Japanese scientist says he can clone a real, actual woolly mammoth sometime within the next "four or five years." Did they not ever release Jurassic Park in Japan, or what?

And the award for best acceptance speech at tonight's Golden Globes goes to... Chris Colfer! The openly gay Glee star, who won the Supporting Actor award, dedicated it to teens who face bullying because of who they are. Watch inside.

Jean-Claude "Baby Doc" Duvalier, the former Haitian dictator forced into exile in 1986, has returned to Haiti for the first time in 25 years. Why? No one knows. But it's probably totally innocent and non-sinister!

Tonight the stars strode the red carpet dressed in their finest, while us commoners admired their fancy adornments and luxurious fabrics. Here is a sampling of the best and worst of their garmentry.

Matt Braunger doesn't know where he fits in with the world because he lifts weights to the music of The Smiths. Who knew that hard core gangsters in Los Angeles like them, too?

As every college student knows, there is almost nothing funnier than watching a person try to narrate her acid trips. Especially when that person is a housewife in the year 1956. As she says, "I can see all the molecules!"

Holy wow. Ricky Gervais, the host of tonight's Golden Globes, just opened the show with one of the most unrelentingly harsh and uncomfortable monologues in awards show history—there was even a Tom Cruise/John Travolta gay joke! Watch inside.