Just because Sarah Palin might not be a Harvard lawyer, she sure knows what the founding fathers meant. So sit back and listen to the relaxing 'Sarah Palin Battle Hymn' by Tom Dempsey and Gary Mcvay.

Rep. Gabrielle Giffords' astonishing survival gets even more astonishing: As soon as she could move again, her astronaut husband says, "she spent 10 minutes giving me a neck massage." Wait, seriously?

Last night American Dad proved how easy it is to go overboard while mocking the 80's. From Steve being dressed as Marty McFly to a keytar player sporting a Flock of Seagulls haircut they really laid it on thick.

[Sarah Jessica Parker and Olivia Munn shoot a scene for Wall Street working mother movie "I Don't Know How She Does It." What's the work on the back of SJP's hand? Image via Pacific Coast News.]

Instant messaging conversations allegedly written by Emerson Begolly reveal him as anti-Semitic, extreme, armed and dangerous. But they also reveal what he claimed was the genesis of his extremist views: an interaction with a pastor registered as a sex offender.

When a bicyclist decides to test his luck riding on a frozen lake and inevitably falls through, his friends come to the rescue. They manage to finally get him out but not after all getting trapped themselves.

Piers Morgan explains why Madonna and Heather Mills McCartney have earned lifetime bans from his new show on CNN. It's good to know we're not the only ones disturbed by Madonna's fake British accent.

In your should-be-a-holiday Monday media column: WPIX goes minimalist, Ken Auletta takes on AOL, the Comcast-NBCU merger is almost ready to close, and Piers Morgan will have his first and most-watched episode on CNN tonight.

Soon, America will celebrate the 100th birthday of that actor who was president during the 1980s, Ronald Reagan. How will sons Ron Jr. and Michael honor their father? By bickering on television about whether he had Alzheimer's in office.

We figure there's an average of two comments about how much of a bad host Ellen Degeneres is every time Gawker.TV posts a clip from Ellen. Haters, it appears that Family Guy agrees with you.

A Latin American booze distributor now sells "dram in a can," 12 ounces of whiskey in one vessel. That's eight shots, so they're marketing it as "the perfect size to be shared between three people." Scottish whiskey makers are outraged.

A former Swiss banker provided the names of more than 2,000 prominent tax cheats to Wikileaks, which has promised to quickly release details of the evasion — unlike governments and the media, which apparently buried the scandal.

Keanu Reeves gave an official response to the "Sad Keanu meme" on the BBC: "I mean, do I wish I didn't get my picture taken while I was eating sandwich on the streets of New York? Yeah."

They must be the best of friends! Otherwise, this cat just learned an important lesson about the horse's personal space.

In a very scientific new science study, researchers found that good-looking people (somehow that was determined, scientifically) had higher IQs than Johnny Weak-Chins or Suzie Beak-Noses. So now we know for sure that hot people are inherently better, especially men.

The Huffington Post maintains a small army of wage slaves who spend all day "moderating" the site's millions of comments. Their current primary task: to ensure that no comments are published about Arianna Huffington's wanton airplane Blackberry-ing incident.

You may not know that actress, food blogger, and all-around awesome lady Debi Mazar is hosting a new show on the Cooking Channel called Extra Virgin. To celebrate the launch, she taught me how to make pancakes!

Last night's episode of Family Guy opened with a shot-for-shot remake of the original Hulk TV series—starring the one and only Lou Fergino. Inside, we have last night's homage and the original intro to compare it with.

Last night, on live television, the world's most beautiful woman reapplied her makeup. Behold, the magnificent beast shellacking its mesmerizing maw, in the wild! Click to enlarge. [Images via Buzzfeed]

This week on The Soup: Ted Williams' real rock bottom is his "Chicks, Man" clip, two gems from Jersey Shore, Train's Bachelor appearance, America's oldest dancing couple, and we're introduced to TruTV's hysterically-horrible new show Bait Car.