Egyptian security forces have arrested as many as 1,000 people over nationwide anti-government protests. What's it like to be in Egyptian police custody? A Guardian reporter recorded his arrest: "We ran a gauntlet of officers beating us with sticks."

JP Morgan chief Jamie Dimon is at Davos with all the other rich people talking about money, and whining: "This constant refrain 'bankers, bankers, bankers' is just unproductive and unfair. People should just stop doing that." Bankers are your friends.

If you've been on the lam for 27 years, don't get picked up for public urination.

[Workers clear a platform at the Edison train station in New Jersey as snow falls during Wednesday night's snowstorm. Image via AP]

A University of Colorado biologist working with the Pentagon is developing plants that can detect bombs. Yes: Terrorism-fighting plants that change color in the presence of certain chemicals. The 21st century is wild, isn't it?

Muslim population growth is slowing to 1.5 percent a year, according to a study that xenophobes will ignore.

Former Governor of Alaska and alternate-universe U.S. President Sarah Palin was on Fox News host Greta Van Susteren's show On the Recorder to talk about the State of the Union. And she packed her bag of zingers!

[Former American Idol judge Simon Cowell notices his fiancee Mezhgan Hussainy's cleavage as the two leave Mr Chow in London after attending the 2011 National Television Awards. Image via Pacific Coast News]

On tonight's American Idol, a 26-year-old Illinois man named Chris Medina auditioned before the judges. Accompanying Medina was his severely brain-damaged fiancée, Julia Ramos, who—post-audition—also met the judges. Ladies and gentlemen, this season's story to follow has arrived.

On My Strange Addiction tonight, we explored an addiction recalling scenes from Lars and the Real Girl. Meet Davecat and Sidore. Sidore, a lovely 20-something, wears a purple wig, a choker necklace, and a t-shirt that reads, "Worship Me."

On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert declared that he was inspired by yesterday's State of the Union address by President Obama—and especially the part about "winning the future." So, Colbert stayed up all night inventing things! His creations, inside.

After several cans of hairspray, canisters of lipstick and oh, eleven pixie sticks, glitzy glamour girl Cealy is mysteriously revved up and just not performing to her mother's expectations. Watch inside.

The 90-second message ends: ""Don't ever forget I love you, I love you so much, I love you with all my heart and I was going to ask you, don't answer, obviously you can't answer, but will you marry me?""

Tonight, Jon Stewart opened with his analysis of last night's State of the Union Address by President Obama—and he delivered. Inside, watch three highlights from Stewart's segment, about our "Sputnik moment," audience member Kathy Proctor, and Michele Bachmann.

His helicopter snowed-in, Obama had to take a motorcade from the military base to the White House after Air Force One landed today. It took a whole hour! Meanwhile, Joe Biden was speeding along in a snowmobile, mowing down pedestrians.

This evening's Piers Morgan Tonight featured megachurch pastor Joel Osteen and his Stepford wife Victoria. When Morgan switched the subject to homosexuality, Osteen—declaring it a "sin" and comparing it to an "addiction"—contradicted and offended on multiple levels.

A Staten Island man is suing Facebook for $500,000 for deleting his profile. He misses his 340 friends.

Daniel Sloss is a young Scottish comedian who takes on important coming of age issues, like when your dad sees your bookmarked porn collection on your computer.

The city of Evanston, Illinois was planning to crack down on Northwestern University students' hard-partying ways by enforcing an obscure anti-brothel law. But cops now say there will be no change in enforcement. This calls for an epic, destructive kegger.

Disgraced former evangelist/methhead Ted Haggard is finally (sort of!) ready to admit that he is not straight, no matter how much gay-bashing he indulged in to prove it. In a new GQ profile, he says he's bisexual, sort of.