Coming to a theater near you: The Dogfather! Yes, really. It'll make you forget everything you thought you knew about gangster movies/gangster dogs—or maybe just make you wish you never knew it existed in the first place.

Members of an FBI task force on human trafficking have been investigating the Church of Scientology for more than a year according to an article in this week's New Yorker. It's the scientology expose we've been all waiting for.

The Solid Waste Services Department of Austin, Texas needs a new name, and they've asked for residents to vote online in a poll that ends next Thursday. The current frontrunner? "The Fred Durst Society of the Humanities and Arts."

Jamel, Germany, just might be the Worst Little Town in the World.

Usually we think of basketball as the site of celebrity-sports nexus. Think: Spike Lee at the Knicks. But pretty much every celebrity has converged on Dallas today for the Super Bowl. Do any of them even like football?

[Dr. Ahmad Zaafan and his new wife, Oula Abdul Hamid, celebrate their marriage today in Cairo's Tahrir Square. Alf Mabrouk! via]

Ronald Reagan would have turned 100 years old today, and there are celebrations galore across the country. How are you celebrating the life of the Greatest American Who Ever Lived? Let's remember the Gipper today with this classic straight-shooter moment.

One person was killed and 11 injured in a shooting in a frat house outside Youngstown, Ohio.

If you're anything like me, you're much more excited to watch the obscenely-expensive commercial breaks tonight than to discover which team brings home the big title (it's the Packers vs. Steelers this year, right?)

Britain's Diplomatic Protection Squad will now carry tasers to fend off unruly protesters, like those who attacked Prince Charles and the Duchess of Cornwall's car in December, according to the Telegraph. Taser-wielding cops there have a great track record!

Robert J. Michelson of Connecticut called 911 with a question about the legal implications of growing pot in his house. He soon found out, after cops traced his number and arrested him.

Shia LaBeouf got in a bar fight after someone called him a "faggot." Calvin Klein's boyfriend wrongly boasts about his new car collection. Lindsay Lohan girds herself for a legal fight. Khloe Kardashian tries to lose weight. Sunday gossip roundup!

Radical Christian and foreign policy heavyweight Sarah Palin™ chimed in on Obama's handling of events in Egypt in a new interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network. She also says her journalism degree can help the lamestream media report the truth.

Dick Cheney on Hosni Mubarak: "He has been a good friend." Aww.

Dana Carvey hosted tonight's Saturday Night Live. There was some old (Wayne's World, "Church Lady"), some new (Justin Bieber cameos), and a sh*tload of WTF, courtesy musical guest Linkin Park. Their second performance? Jaw-droppingly horrible—and just plain weird.

Eddie Murphy's 1983 "Delirious" is considered to be one of the most memorable stand up shows in history. In this clip from "Delirious", Murphy talks about his favorite childhood memory, seeing the ice cream truck.

An image making the rounds features an Egyptian protester carrying a sign that reads "Thank you Facebook" in Arabic. Thanks for what? Facebook has done as little as possible to help Egypt's protesters. It should do more.

Being the star of an MTV reality show is not the pinnacle of all human existence. The Situation told E! that he's got bigger plans. What plans? If you guessed opening a chain of fondue restaurants you wold be wrong.

Brace yourself for the worst news to come out of Egypt since Anderson Cooper got beat up: "It is with a heavy heart that I have decided to leave #Egypt [...] It was a hard decision to leave." [@andersoncooper]

Lindsay Lohan insists she borrowed the $2,500 necklace from an L.A. boutique, but cops say otherwise. They are about to charge her with felony grand theft, which carries a maximum sentence of three years in prison.