Breast cancer shocker! Gum healthiness! Lonely exercising! Teen girl suicide! Young strokes! Egg cholesterol! Diet soda heart attack! Baby obesity! And L.A.'s official guide to ecstasy! It's your Wednesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—while rolling, in the official style!

On the newest Between Two Ferns, the host, who prefers to remain nameless, discusses Myspace and jet skiiing around the world with Tila Tequila. Oh, and one of the old stars of Friends drops by for a quick minute.

Watch out world, there's a new diva in town. Or should I say divo. His name is Alex Pettyfer and he wants what he wants when he wants it. Also today: lots of news about TV pilots, including the casting of a lead on a Shonda Rhimes show, plus Charlie Sheen agrees to cough up some cash.

More great news from the wonderful world of Wikileaks: Saudi Arabia is running out of oil! According to a former top Saudi oil executive, as recorded in State Department cables between 2007 and 2009, "Peak Oil" — the pinch point at which global petroleum production reaches its maximum capacity — is a very real problem that we're rapidly approaching.

The Wild Within's Steven Rinella found a dead raccoon on the side of a highway and brought it home to cook. Watch for the disgusted reactions of his dinner guests once they discover what they're eating isn't exactly brisket.

Artist Holton Rower is the brains behind this interactive installation. He and other participants pour buckets of paint over tall objects, creating an acid-like aesthetic and awesome designs. The time lapse effects makes this all the more fun to watch.

Justin Bieber, a Furbie toy given the ability to sing, held the LA premiere for his 3D concert movie Never Say Never last night. The red carpet was even uglier than usual. Let's take a look at all the atrocities unleashed by The Biebz.

Thanks to the Great Recession's magical cleansing powers, all of the home ownership gains of the past decade's housing boom have already been erased. But there is good news! The affordability of homes has plummeted back down to pre-boom levels in the majority of markets that Moody's surveys. Finally, a home is back in your non-imaginary price range!

If you were too busy watching the Puppy Bowl this last Super Bowl Sunday, this is your chance to catch the commercials that ran. Here are all 61 ads condensed into a convenient and enjoyable clip.

When you're on the North Shore in Hawaii up against 25-foot waves, you probably shouldn't stand on a huge rock formation. These tourists are truly lucky they didn't get more seriously hurt.

Animal Planet is offering free pest control for anyone in the five boroughs with "severe pest infestations of any kind, from cockroaches and bedbugs to rats and raccoons. No infestation is too severe for their team."

For years, a current photo of the reclusive and bilious blog empress Nikki Finke has been the holy grail of people who care about Nikki Finke. It now appears that such a photo exists, and may be published soon. But Nikki says it's not her.

Today on The Wendy Williams Show, Wendy told her audience about Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom's new unisex fragrance called "Unbreakable." Wendy liked that idea, but she did not like the uncomfortable commercial footage that accompanies the new scent.

Check out this trailer for Cat Sh** One, based on the MAUS-esque Vietnam War manga published stateside as Apocalypse Meow. This animated series updates the setting to the Middle East and pits USA-GIs (Japanese pun intended) against turban-clad camel guerillas.

Norm MacDonald will talk sports on Comedy Central, Zoo, the premieres of Justified and Mr. Sunshine, and it's a great day for babes being cast in pilots: both Rachel Bilson and Zooey Deschanel are in talks for TV shows.

Arizona Rep. Gabrielle Giffords, who's doing rehab in Texas after being shot in the head last month, asked for toast this morning! And while these weren't her first words, her office confirms that she's been speaking more often frequently.

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we "read" the celebrity tabloids so you don't "have" to. This week, Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, and Suri Cruise as a perky rom-com heroine. [Jezebel]

Poor third grader Ty'Ge Davis has now seen more than any child his age should have to, after a man texted him a photo of two people engaging in oral sex. When Davis' mother called back the man to confront him, he responded by saying that the photo was supposed to help him sell a couch. Uhhh what!?

Congratulations to iliveinletters for being the first person to answer today's Freeze Frame.

Today at Gawker.TV, Michelle Obama talks about keeping her love life alive in the White House, Piers Morgan disagrees with the Winkelvoss twins, Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell talk shit about each other in consecutive interviews on Access Hollywood Live.