At a speech in Nashville on Sunday, Dr. Ben Carson, an adorably ambitious antique bread machine, articulated again his rejection of evolution, with all the easy eloquence we’ve come to expect.

Sgt. Michael Walker, an Army medic, plead not guilty in Honolulu on Thursday in the stabbing death of his wife. His former lover and alleged co-conspirator, Ailsa Jackson, also plead not guilty. Court documents indicate she will change her plea later this month: she appears to be cooperating with prosecutors.

Police say that the University of California-Merced student who was shot and killed by police officers after stabbing four of his fellow students on Wednesday went on his rampage after being kicked out of a study group, the Associated Press reports.

After failing to meet the 2.5 percent polling threshold, nominal presidential candidates Chris Christie and Mike Huckabee have been relegated to the kids’ table in next week’s GOP debate. George Pataki and Lindsey Graham have been booted from the lineup altogether, after falling below one percent, reports the AP.

Of the more than 5,400 children, mostly from El Salvador, have applied to join their parents who are already (legally) in the United States, under the Obama administration’s Central American Minors program, established in December, not a single one has been granted entry, the New York Times reports.

A report from the Pew Research Center says concern about climate change among Chinese citizens has plummeted in the past five years. Cool, cool—China is “the world’s biggest carbon polluter.” No problems here.

Linda Weston, ringleader of a group who imprisoned six disabled adults and four children over a period of years in order to steal their disability and social security checks, was sentenced Thursday to life in prison, reports the Associated Press.

In a radio interview on Thursday, President Obama said that there was a “possibility” that a terrorist bomb caused the destruction of the Russian Metrojet airliner over the Sinai Peninsula this weekend.

A group claiming affiliation with Anonymous, the nebulous blob of hackers whose influence and credibility has waned a lot in recent years, just released what appears to be a (real) long list of KKK members. The only interesting part is how horrible their Facebook accounts are.

Divers found the body of a 5-month-old girl in a South Carolina creek on Thursday afternoon, the Associated Press reports. Her mother has been charged with unlawful conduct toward a child.

When Bernie Sanders visited George Mason University last week, one attendee was particularly taken with his support for lifting the federal ban on marijuana.

A judge in North Carolina’s Wayne County Superior Court is accused of abusing his power by asking a known FBI agent to snoop on his family members’ text messages. Judge Arnold Ogden Jones offered the agent two cases of beer in exchange for a disk full of texts, according to the federal indictment against him.

Ben Carson’s new “urban” radio ad drops Friday in eight cities, including Miami, Atlanta, and Houston, with the goal of reaching out to young black voters who, the Carson campaign admits, are “a non-traditional voting market for Republicans.” Carson has already picked up one vote from that market, though, in Aspiring Mogul, the self-described “Christian Republican Rapper” who raps in the ad alongside snippets of Carson’s stump speech.

Shitty internet man and mediocre comedian Josh “The Fat Jew” Ostrovsky took some heat this summer when the entire internet agreed that his career is based on stealing jokes from other people. But like any fraud, Ostrovsky has a book deal. Now, that whole book is online, for free, from someone else.

The disgraced police officer accused of embezzling money from a youth group before committing suicide apparently tried to have a woman murdered last spring because she was close to discovering his crime.

GG Allin would shit onstage, but did he ever shred $1.1 million to fuck over his heirs? I don’t think so. So let me tell you about this lady, then.

The Chinese stock market, which crashed spectacularly this summer and sent the entire world into a medium-grade financial panic, is now back in bull market territory again. Booming! Invest now, before it collapses again next year.

According to an internal report produced by Doctors Without Borders, a U.S. warplane shot at survivors attempting to escape the organization’s hospital in Kunduz, Afghanistan after the building was bombed by American forces last month.

Liverpool recently introduced fast-walking pedestrian lanes in its city centre, an action supported by 69 percent of 16 to 24-year-old residents, research found. “But life is about the path, not the destination,” you say. Incorrect, sir. Now get out of my way, I’m late for an appointment.

Today, H&M released its collaboration with the fashion house Balmain, a name you will recognize if you listen to rap music, or follow celebrities on Instagram, or remember that jacket that made both Justin Bieber and Kris Jenner look like Michael Jackson. Anyway, in Europe at least, people are trying to murder each other for this shit.