Welcome back to Midweek Madness, your friendly neighborhood tabloid round-up. We do the tough job of "reading" Star, In Touch, Life & Style, Us and Ok!, so you don't "have" to. [Jezebel]

The kindest thing you could say about the new dating site Whatsyourprice.com is that it is the perfect place for the world's laziest dudes and most cynical women to hook up. The least kind thing you could say is that it is mass-scale prostitution. Are you ready to buy and sell "first dates?"

These guys make the most of a rainy day sliding down a soggy hill on snowboards, skateboard decks, and sometimes, on each other.

Here's a trailer for the comedy Crazy, Stupid, Love, a sort of Hitch for hip(per) people about a lothario (Ryan Gosling) teaching a dweeb (Steve Carell) how to get the ladies, all the while falling for a lady immune to his magic.

Fifteen-year-old Chloe Steward of Ankeny, Iowa was terrified last night to find some drunk idiot trying to break into her house's back door at 3 a.m. Naturally, he was an employee of the Tim Pawlenty Presidential Exploratory Committee. That is NOT how you win over voters, pal! You're supposed to drunkenly break into their houses during the daytime, only. Does Tim Pawlenty even train his staff?

Congress still hasn't reached a deal on a continuing resolution to fund the government through September, so we're less than 48 hours away from a government shutdown. Departments and agencies are exhausting most of their time now in panic and preparation. The administration has put out a figure for total furloughed employees: 800,000. Here are more letters from individual federal employees and contractors about how a shutdown would affect them, and what they're hearing. Do you have something to share? Share your greatest fears with newell@gawker.com.

This press release can't be real, can it? Now circulating on PRNewser, the Hairpin, and Mom-101: A PR email urging daughters to give their mothers moist vaginas for Mother's Day.

In your serene Wednesday media column: Jay Severin gets canned, a blogger sues over working conditions, Pinch defends his paywall, Hearst is full of catty status-seekers, and Rachel Maddow will make you a martyr.

The day after CBS News' Washington Bureau chief was revealed as an FBI informant, the Smoking Gun has published another account of a TV news personality snitching for the FBI. This time, it was a local Fox television anchor.

Question: Is there anything grosser than a worm-strewn sidewalk after an afternoon downpour in the suburbs? When every concrete surface is slathered with waterlogged nightcrawlers, lying in heaps like flesh-colored boogers?

The influence Ansel Adams had on the photography world is incalculable, but who would have guessed he had such a humble darkroom? Silber Studios went behind the curtains to check it out, 27 years after the American passed away. [Silber Studios via F-Stoppers via PetaPixel]

Extending a wave of layoffs, AOL reduced its entire business news team to one or two people and is expected to use Huffington Post staff to pick up the slack. Because that's what HuffPo is famous for: business news.

The pro-union forces in Wisconsin aren't quitting after the huge standoff between Republican Gov. Scott Walker and Senate Democrats earlier this year over a plan to eliminate collective bargaining rights for unionized public employees. Walker eventually won, but at a high cost to his and really any Wisconsin Republican's standing. Union supporters have stayed mobilized and are hoping to recall up to eight Republican state senators later this year, after all. But the first big test of their organized might came last night in a Wisconsin Supreme Court election for Chief Justice, the type of off-calendar race that few would usually give a crap about. And now it's too close to call.

Jared Leto looks exactly like Kurt Cobain in this footage he shot when he heard about a possible Cobain biopic. Leto writes on the YouTube page that he made this to "explore the character and explore creative possibilities."

Personally, I think everyone's favorite warm-weather and beach footwear, the flip-flop, is disgusting. Not only is there now someone to back up my claim with medical evidence, but it appears that the rubbery soles are horrible for your body as well.

What is the first thing that Eddie Murphy should do when he gets on stage to do a stand-up comedy routine? If you said "give a hearty 'thank-you' to the African tribes who originated the concept of The Dozens hundreds of years ago," well, your name is probably author and educator Elizabeth Evans! It's all right here in the press release of the day—and your mother is portly!

Marriage isn't like riding a pegasus on a marshmallow rainbow, you know. It's a lot of work. And a royal marriage? God save the Princess, because things will inevitably get rough. [Jezebel]

Emotionally unstable television host Glenn Beck is pulling a Palin and quitting his Fox News Channel show later this year, according to a cryptic and confusing press release published on his web site, The Blaze. (The site is down right now, apparently from all the "Beck is quitting" traffic, but the Google cache is still there.)

After reported attempts to abduct female students at Rider University and The College of New Jersey, Tony Kadyhrob—who looks like Christopher Walken but is just a guy from Lawrence, NJ—has taken his creepy sideshow to Princeton. He's an upwardly mobile wannabe kidnapper?

Elderly people and the Internet are timeless foes. A 75-year-old lady from the Republic of Georgia scored a point for the olds when she cut off the entire country of Armenia from the net last month.