On the Day After Dead Bin Laden Day, America woke up and asked: "Who was the anonymous heroic machine gun-wielder who personally pulled the trigger to shoot the bullet into the bad man we dislike?" Let's inventory what we know:
Pakistan's duplicitous president Asif Ali Zardari — also know as "Mr. Ten Percent" — is upset at the mere suggestion that Osama bin Laden was living a four-minute drive from "Pakistan's version of West Point" with anyone in his administration or security apparatus knowing anything about it. How dare anyone even suggest such an outlandish claim. In fact, Zardari is so confident in where he stands that he decided to write an op-ed for The Washington Post today to clear things up.
Former Playboy Playmate and B-movie star Yvette Vickers was found in a "mummified state" inside her Benedict Canyon, California home by a neighbor last week. Authorities tell the Los Angeles Times that she could have been dead for up to a year. Susan Savage found Vickers' body after noticing yellowed mail and cobwebs: "I just had a bad feeling," she told the paper.
It's safe to say that anyone who commutes to work gets a little annoyed with train delays. Fair enough. But there are ways to handle that frustration, and ways to not handle that frustration. In the video above from Argentina, we see the latter.
For the first time in 20 years, the number of American homes with TV sets in them has gone down.
Time magazine may have grown increasingly neutered with their choices for Person of the Year, but when it comes to their Dead Mass-Murderer of the Week covers, forget about it — they're balls to the wall. The issue, on stands this Thursday, gives Osama bin Laden their trademark "Red X" treatment — previously used on Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, Saddam Hussein, and, most famously, Adolf Hitler. Collect them all!
After weeks of threats, Will Ferrell finally made good on his promise to shave Conan O'Brien's beard on tonight's episode of Conan. So, how'd it go? Let's just say that Ferrell had a few technical difficulties—and that each of them made the bit even funnier.
On tonight's Late Show, Brian Williams took some time out to visit David Letterman and chat with him about the death of Osama bin Laden. After reviewing the day's papers with Letterman, Williams recounted the events that led to him finding out—and reacting to—the news that the US had killed the al Qaeda leader.
Warning: Bumpy Canadian politics ahead! Our increasingly-less-friendly neighbors to the north have spoken loudly at the polls, all but obliterating the moderate Liberals in tonight's national election.
Like colleague Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert reacted positively to the news of Osama bin Laden's death on tonight's Report, declaring that he was "as giddy as a schoolgirl who just shot bin Laden in the eye." Then, to celebrate, he unleashed balloons and a cake—though it was immediately clear that they'd been in storage for quite some time.
You thought Alaska was some kind of free-for-all no-rules paradise, where you could just ride an ice floe to your polling place and elect whomever you want to be governor? Think again! As 18-year-old Mikey Poland learned, that's illegal. (Well, the ice floe part is—you can still vote for as many idiots as you want.) Poland and some friends were "jumping on ice" on the Chena River over the weekend when Poland hopped onto a 10' x 15' piece that had broken off and was floating in the river. His friends, responsible till the end, gave him a milk crate to sit on and a cooler lid to use as a paddle; Poland floated downriver about a quarter mile before getting hung up. After being rescued by the fire department, he was immediately cuffed and charged with "disorderly conduct for creating a hazardous condition for the firefighters who rescued him." He didn't fight the charges, and was sentenced to "days in jail with all 10 suspended, 50 hours of community service," and a $100 fine. [AP]
"I suppose I should be expressing some ambivalence about the targeted killing of another human being," Jon Stewart said during tonight's Daily Show while discussing the killing of Osama bin Laden, before admitting, "I am way too close to this whole episode to be rational about this in any way, shape, or form. Last night was a good night."
WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange does not have much faith that social networking services like Facebook and Twitter will be useful in political revolutions. Quite the opposite, in fact.
On Monday in Portland, ME the walls of the largest mosque in town were spray-painted with "Osama today, Islam tomorow [sic]" and other phrases, sometime following morning prayers on the day after American forces killed Osama bin Laden in Pakistan.
It's not a good idea, when you're on trial, to attack the prosecutor in the courtroom. But Emanuel D. "E Man" Mitchell had already been convicted of murder, so he probably figured he had nothing to lose.
