For Jersey Shore star Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, a delayed shooting schedule for the show's fourth season may be the least of his problems right now. Earlier today, his father, Frank Sorrentino, came out swinging with an online video in which he accuses his son of leaving his family to suffer while getting rich. And as if that wasn't enough, in an already-released second video, Frank claims that Mike was fired from a job for receiving oral sex from a 40-year-old co-worker. What's next? [TMZ]

That the country's youth are plagued by an obesity epidemic is not up for dispute. But just how best to battle The Heavying of America is. There's Michelle Obama's straightforward, "Let's Move!" approach, which — let's face it — requires a lot of heavy lifting. But does it really address the problem? Not the children's inactivity and addiction to 2-liter bottles of Fanta — that's the symptom. I'm speaking of the problem: those completely out-to-lunch parents.

Hard times make for creative living solutions. An air conditioner repairman noticed something unusual while working on a Waffle House in Augusta, Georgia: Someone had apparently set up a modest home for himself on the restaurant's roof.

We previously alerted you to the fact that, according to crazy Christian group Family Radio, the world will end when Christ returns on May 21. One person who isn't sweating the upcoming Rapture? Stephen Colbert, who explained his end-of-times excitement on tonight's Report.

President Obama "is preparing a fresh outreach to the Muslim world in coming days," The Wall Street Journal tells us. How exciting! Despite the fact that Obama is the most Muslim president of all time, besides Dwight Eisenhower, his approval ratings have dropped precipitously in the Arab world, and Pakistan is certainly not too pleased with him, either. So, Obama will "deliver a wide-ranging speech":

On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart wondered why White House officials haven't been more present in the press over the last week, taking credit for the successful mission to kill Osama bin Laden. More puzzling to Stewart, however, was that several members of the Bush administration were out there pounding their chests.

Can people stop freaking out on airplanes? Yet another passenger tried to open the cabin door mid-flight on Tuesday night, the fourth weird plane incident this week. (Fifth, if you count the Australian plane that got hit by lightning.)

Attention, New Yorkers: Have you seen this bird? A female peacock — technically, we suppose, a peahen — is currently roaming the Bronx, having freed itself from the Bronx Zoo only a few weeks after fellow zoo occupant Mia the cobra escaped.

What's Lindsay Lohan up do these days? Well, when she's not busy serving the homeless without a bra, she's apparently donning fake teeth and fake blood while starring in some sort of weird, vampire-themed photo shoot. [NYM, Daily Mail]

Is Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood a hipster? "I don't even know what that term means," he claimed when asked recently. But isn't that exactly what a hipster would say?

Envious of Prince William and Harry's iPads, Queen Elizabeth has reportedly ordered up one of the tablet computers for herself, hoping the iPad will "keep her entertained on the long trips she has to make."

Is Rome going to be destroyed in a massive earthquake tomorrow, May 11? According to a rumored prophesy, yes! And so, "thousands of people are reported to be staying out of Rome for the next few days."

Today we heard the terrific news that it will soon be legal to bring all your guns to college for fun gun parties and stuff. Uh oh, many people said. There will be drunk dudes shooting their pistols off (ew) every chance they get! But, one commenter warned, there's something else we're not thinking about.

First the cowboys, and now the dinosaurs. Well, actually the dinosaurs probably came first, timeline was. But whatever. The aliens are coming for 'em, and a big movie is in the works! Also today: Alec Baldwin does something smart, Al Pacino does something dumb, and, of course, Hunger Games.

From the cybernetic labs of Japan come these moving cat ears, which purportedly adjust themselves in response to your thoughts or mood. In case you'd like to erase that last shred of privacy you retain inside your own brain.

Since Vogue published an exquisitely timed fawning profile of the "glamorous, young, and very chic" first lady of Syria Asma al-Assad in February, her husband has presided over the murder of more than 300 demonstrators and jailed more than 10,000 political prisoners in a bloody crackdown. Now Asma has fled to England and Vogue has tossed the profile down the memory hole.

The CIA will now let select senators view Osama bin Laden's gross death photos "if they wish," Reuters reports. But they'll have to make appointments. Sounds like a hassle. Just look at Sen. Scott Brown's fake photos instead.

Best diet! Paul Pierce! Boxy gyms! Gatti movie! NFL workouts! Seniors exercising! Fitness chore! Discrimination tests! Michelle Obama! And the dangers of manhood! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—dashingly!

A weird thing is happening in the sky: planets will align this month. But the strangest thing is happening here on Earth: There's been hardly a peep about disasters and doom. Did the internet forget its hysteria generator at home?

Barack Obama visited El Paso, Texas today to jump start the case for comprehensive immigration reform, yet again, as well as to make fun of Republicans. He mocks the party's ever-moving goalposts on border security, such as wanting more and more troops on the border and demanding an even "higher" fence. "Maybe they'll need a moat," he went on. "Maybe they'll want alligators in the moat." You mean we haven't even tried this yet? Well, now it's too late; alligator prices are through the roof these days.