Rageaholic supermodel Naomi Campbell is considering "every option available" to stick it to Cadbury for using her name in a chocolate ad, which she finds racist:

Oh ho ho, what slander! What loathsome gossip! A new anonymous Twitter account has been publishing rumors about British celebs and everyone is freaking out, again. This proves England is not equipped to handle the internet.

Good afternoon! How's your Monday going? Curious about what "urban" teenagers were doing over the holiday weekend, and whether you should feel threatened by them and people who share their complexion? Then be sure to check in with the Drudge Report, which has conveniently rounded up a slew of run-of-the-mill summer crime stories that happen to involve black people and suggestively weaved them into a nationwide race riot.

Mitt Romney had quite a scandalous revelation to share on this morning's Today show: He does, from time to time, and always while exercising great caution, participate in certain leisurely activities, like watching television and reading novels. Would Mother Mittens approve of this? Let's just say, doubtful.

As an American, there is no greater service that you can perform for your country than to drink vast quantities of beer. Not pussy foreign "Heineken" or "Corona" beer, the purchase of which amounts to draining the faltering American economy in order to subsidize enemy (non-US) nations. We're talking about real god damn American beer. Budweiser. Miller. The shit that G.I. Joe would drink.

Suri Cruise suffers for fashion. Lindsay Lohan shills electronic cigarettes. Angelina Jolie gets horny while talking about Brad Pitt. Tuesday gossip creates heel-shaped holes in the sand.

This musical star isn't just hiding the fact he's gay, but also that he likes to get rough with the "hired help." These celebs were divas at Cannes, this actor likes women to beat him in bed, and this right-wing politician has a closeted spouse. It always comes back to gays and rough sex, doesn't it?

Are you partial to smoking hookahs, whitey? If you're not a college student you're like, "Fuck am I, a college student?" If you're a college student you're like "Totally, check mine out." Either way, you probably have cancer and herpes.

Will our nation ever learn how to properly utilize its $105 million buildings?

Say you're in charge of a bloodthirsty dictator's stolen $1.3 billion sovereign-wealth fund. You make some risky investments with that money in the early days of the global financial meltdown, and end up losing 98% (!) of it. Then imagine you're Goldman Sachs dealing with Muammar Qaddafi's money!

New Zealand PM John Key apparently doesn't mind the deadly, coma-inducing Australasian internet craze called planking. In fact, he supports it. In a picture posted to the Facebook group Planking New Zealand over the weekend, his son Max is seen planking in the premier's residence under the watchful eyes of his father. Just what kind of message is John Key sending to the youth of his nation?

Osama bin Laden was many things: Terrorist, mass murderer, psychopath, sociopath, chronic masturbator, poon hound. But for all of his faults, bin Laden was a pretty decent employer, in jidahi terms, at least. Much of that stems from his degree in economics and public administration. From NPR, we have more tales of Osama bin Laden as micro-managing terrorist mastermind:

If you haven't been reading the New York Post's coverage of Dominique Strauss-Kahn, well, then you really should be. The DSK story was tailor made for the Post: Snooty, filthy rich Frenchman allegedly sexually assaults a hotel maid in AMERICA. How does that sit with your Freedom Fries?

The tornado-ravaged citizens of Cordova, Alabama — about 35 miles northwest of Birmingham, pop. 2000 — have lost everything after a series of monster twisters tore through their town on April 27th. With nowhere to turn, scores of newly homeless residents were relieved when FEMA came along with a caravan of single-wide mobile homes they could use as shelter. Not so fast: Mayor Jack Scott has declared that single-wide mobile homes are illegal in Cordova.

The family of Hamza Ali al-Khateeb, a 13-year-old Syrian boy tortured and mutilated by President Bashar Assad's forces, has posted a video of his corpse online that shows "cuts, gashes...burns...bullet wounds...jaw and kneecaps shattered...and his penis chopped off." [NY Times]

It's a question every pet owner asks themselves at one point or other: How far would I go to save the life of my furry little friend? In the case of Steve Porter, an Australian whose closest companion was a four-year-old Jack Russell named Jessie (pictured), the answer is "pretty damn far."

There was once a time where a boy being crowned prom queen, as per his wishes, would have been an exciting and subversive act. Now it just feels like yet another manifestation of the Gleeing of America. Still, congratulations to Jake Boyer, a openly gay senior from Blacksburg High School in Virginia, who actually had the prom queen balls to go through with it.

As former IMF head Dominique Strauss-Kahn spruces up his $50,000 a month Tribeca townhouse with the finest, Kevlar-reinforced patio umbrellas money can buy, we bring you yet another disturbing report of an arrest in connection with an alleged sex attack on a Manhattan luxury hotel worker by an international financier.

Members of the delightfully quirky Westboro Baptist Church showed up at Arlington Cemetery on Memorial Day just to remind everyone, through the use of excessive signage, that God loves dead soldiers. But luckily for people who were hoped to visit the cemetery without encountering hateful bigotry, brave members of the Ku Klux Klan showed up to counter-protest.

Being from New Jersey, I didn't even know waterspouts existed until today, and now, having seen this footage — captured from a helicopter by Australia's Channel 7 news — I don't think I'm ever going to go out onto the ocean again. These reportedly reached 2,000 feet, though they never touched land.