Have the elderly people around you been acting rather crackheaded lately? Don't worry, it's not Alzheimers (yet)! They're all drinking "5 Hour Energy" shots just as fast as they can, the old coots. They'll probably die soon(er).
Blake Lively faces the hydra monster of naked scandals. Arnold Schwarzenegger is ready for divorce. Natalie Portman stands up Oprah. Ellen Barkin's live-in boyfriend is half her age. The only way to kill Thursday gossip is with fire.
Spittling conspiracy theorist potato Glenn Beck will perform his last Fox News gonzo rainmaker act on Thursday, June 30th. Well, that's at least the supposed end date for his current show.
She played a mother on a sitcom and an upcoming book alleges she had a very different relationship with her younger costars than that of "Mom." These two stars have been instructed to stop having an affair. Maybe they both need a spanking from mommy.
Attorney general Eric Holder has come out in favor of reduced sentences for thousands of people currently imprisoned on nonviolent crack cocaine convictions. (A recent law corrected the insane sentencing disparity between crack and powder cocaine; Holder is simply recommending that the new sentencing guidelines be applied to some people already in jail.) That's a great first step. Then can we let out all the other drug war victims, too?
This is just what the world needs now: A deadly, never before seen "mutant" strain of E. coli. That's exactly what the World Health Organization says is responsible for killing 17 people in Germany this week. Of the 1,500 people who are sick with the strain being attributed to cucumbers, 470 "have developed a rare kidney failure complication." A WHO food expert, Hilde Kruse, told MSNBC that this new strain shows "various characteristics that make it more virulent and toxin-producing" than regular old deadly E. coli. Oh, boy.
Anthony Weiner's alleged Twitter cock shot deserves plenty of media coverage. A popular and controversial politician maybe sent around pictures of his boner sheathed in gray boxer briefs—that's newsworthy (and funny!) And the story is rightfully being picked apart. With lots of weiner jokes, naturally. But other stuff is happening that might be considered so newsworthy. Not if you ask sensitive sexy man Dan Abrams. Take a look at these two screengrabs from his blog, Mediaite.
Yesterday afternoon, Arizona's first weGrow franchise — a "superstore-sized garden center" that sells everything you need to grow weed — opened for business in Phoenix. And it sounds great. Besides being a one-stop shop for all of your growing needs, there are doctors on hand to help diagnose those "back spasms" you're dealing with:
Visitors to Niagara Falls were shocked Wednesday as they watched a woman, still alive, float past them and over the edge of the falls. She didn't survive the 180-foot plunge. Boat crew members of the legendary Maid of the Mist quickly found the 51-year-old woman's body and pulled it from the water. Reuters reports that authorities acknowledge it "may have been a suicide." [Daily Mail, Reuters, screengrab of scene via WIVB.com]
As former IMF head Dominique Strauss-Kahn wiles away the hours in his gilded Tribeca cage, a sex scandal of a different stripe has befallen his native shores. An investigation is officially underway to determine if, as one minister claims, a former member of French Parliament indeed partook in one of those boy orgies you read about in all the Moroccan travel brochures.
The Beverly Hills house that Ellen DeGeneris and Portia De Rossi's love built is now on the market: Bought in 2007 for $29 million, it now encompasses three neighboring properties, purchased because they had "visual access" to the main residence. Total asking price for the whole shebang (poor choice of words): $60 million. [Real Estalker, photo of Ellen and Portia via Getty]
The insane-ing of our airports continues with the story of Andre Reid, a 21-year-old from Mt. Vernon, NY, who was spotted strolling along the runway by the pilot of a US Airways airplane, just moments before it was about to take off. That "spooked" the pilot, the NY Post reports, leading him to "dump" the flight — a security re-screening of all passengers and luggage.
On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert lamented the fact that he always loses to The Daily Show at the Emmys before giving viewers a peek at all the networks' screener packages. To his dismay, Colbert discovered that NBC was using his image in the screener for Late Night with Jimmy Fallon—so he decided to get some revenge.
A new report from the Global Commission on Drug Policy, an international group that includes former Secretary of State George Schultz, former Federal Reserve chairman Paul Volcker, and former UN Secretary General Kofi Annan, finds that the international war on drugs is a big fat failure. (On the part of humans. Drugs seem to be doing A-OK.) "The evidence," the commission writes, "overwhelmingly demonstrates that... the war on drugs has not, and cannot, be won." Well, not with that attitude, guys! [BBC; image via AP]
