Newt Gingrich, outsider candidate for president, addressed reporters at his decidedly inside-the-Beltway home in McLean, Virginia this morning, regarding yesterday's hilarious mass quitting of 16 top staffers. No, he's not ending his campaign, you amoral leeches. In fact yesterday's implosion was quite liberating! Now he can run the brilliant, innovative campaign he's always wanted, freed from the calcified constraints of the "traditional consulting community."

Moments ago in Juneau, Alaska, state employees started handing out 55-pound boxes full of paper to dozens of awaiting reporters. Each set of six contains nearly 25,000 printed pages, comprising the entirety of Sarah Palin's e-mail correspondence during her half-term as governor of Alaska. Get reading!

Paige Wiser was the TV critic at the Chicago Sun-Times. She was fired yesterday for fabricating part of a review. But she might still have a job if it wasn't for her damn kids.

After getting a $50 ticket for not riding his bike in the painted "bike lane," this militant bicyclist went out of his way to crash into every obstacle placed in the way of New York City's bicyclists. [Jalopnik]

No longer will summer blockbuster enthusiasts across America have to spend the dog days sitting through such dreck as Pirates of the Caribbean 4, Transformers 3, and that thing where Kevin James talks to a lion. At least those within the vicinity of an AMC Theatres, that is, because the chain has sealed distribution rights for The Undefeated, the Sarah Palin-commissioned documentary about how Katie Couric and some bloggers are mean. Finally, a summer movie for grown-ups! Can't you just feel the grift?

Before she died, Elizabeth Edwards recorded a videotape memorializing in detail everything she knew about John Edwards' affair with Rielle Hunter and attempt to cover it up and had it delivered to the prosecutors investigating him for campaign finance violations. Tough broad.

Did Mary-Kate hook up with Kanye on his birthday? Does Jennifer Lopez bathe in the black magic blood of Santeria chickens? Does Kim Kardashian need a decoy engagement ring? Did LeAnn Rimes make a sex tape? Friday gossip has questions.

Those lucky enough to grow up ensconced in the idyllic and unchanging lifestyle on the classic American farm have always possessed a bit of wisdom that hapless urbanites never acquired. "Sweet Jesus," the farmers say, as they lean against a wooden fence, chewing on a stalk of some sort of grain, "I'm so fucking bored. Get me off this farm before I blow my brains out. Amen."

A guy in Nashville went to go see 30 Rock star Tracy Morgan perform a comedy show last weekend and Morgan said some wildly offensive things about gay people. The guy took to his Facebook wall in protest. Now the gays have mobilized!

This Hollywood lady's shaman told her to drink animal blood every day. This TV actor likes to frequent Thai brothels. And this royal couldn't stop staring at Jennifer Aniston's boobs. Looks like the shaman's spell is finally working!

Four years ago, Chauncey Bailey, the 57 year-old editor of the Oakland Post, was working on a story about the shady finances of Your Black Muslim Bakery, a longtime community institution with criminal tendencies. As he was walking down the street one day, a man walked up and murdered him with a shotgun. It was a hit, a consequence of his work. And yesterday, he finally got justice.

Horrible news for all of you criminals who already have Two Strikes and would really, really prefer not to get a third: the Supreme Court ruled yesterday that fleeing the police in a car is, by definition, a "violent felony."

Here's one way to quiet a small but steady pro-democracy movement: Pardon one-sixth of your citizens for everything from traffic tickets to protesting. That's what Jordan's King Abdullah II has done. And here's his back up plan.

Nothing sounds more liberating than spraying your genitals with DEET, then trekking through tick-infested woods amid patches of poison ivy, thorns and other underbrush totally naked, no? That's how they roll in Germany these days. A year ago, the country's "first hiking trail for nudists" opened near Dankerode to much fanfare and now, the trend could be spreading to Switzerland if the Supreme Court there approves it.

It only seems fitting that an immigration law considered by many to be totally racist, and even more awful than Arizona's SB 1070, was signed into law yesterday in... Alabama. That state's incredibly creepy-looking governor, Robert Bentley, signed what he's calling "the strongest immigration bill in the country." The details, from Reuters:

Earlier this week Shrek, the world's (probably) wooliest sheep, died in New Zealand at age 16. So as the nation ponders its future without Shrek — an animal so famous and influential that it had the ear of the prime minister — museums are lining up for the right to display his stuffed carcass for future generations. The national museum, Te Papa, wants him, and so does the Otago Museum near his home. But what would Shrek want? The New Zealand Herald explains:

Updown Court, a Neoclassical beacon of insanity located 25 miles outside London, has just been price chopped to a new all-time low: $123 million.

Even though Oprah Winfrey ended her talk show more than two weeks ago—and even though David Letterman already expressed his sadness over her absence from television—the Late Show host still can't seem to let the Queen of Daytime go, as evidenced from this "Losing Oprah: The Five Stages of Grief" bit that aired on tonight's program.

Scott Haefner, a San Francisco-based photographer, infiltrated abandoned warships parked in the Suisun Bay to document the state of decay of these once glorious beasts. It's an amazing, up close look at what is known as the Mothball Fleet. [Gizmodo]

Well, this is all extremely ironic. Here's a speech that Facebook chief Mark Zuckerberg gave yesterday to 8th graders graduating from the Belle Haven Community School in Menlo Park, California, the same city where Facebook's giant new headquarters will be located.