Graduation season always brings with it entertaining tales of lazy, desperate, or just plain dumb graduation speakers, who chose to plagiarize their speeches. Already this year we've had a medical school dean ripping off Atul Gawande, and a law school graduate pleading ignorance about the fact that plagiarism is frowned upon. But now, I think we've found our official Dumbest Speech Plagiarism of the 2011 Graduation Season.

The hacking group Anonymous claims it's stolen and leaked personal emails and other documents—including "seductive girlfriend pictures"—belonging to Arizona Department of Public Safety officers. Hacker Summer continues.

"Everyone into the survival pods, quickly! We may be smashed and the pressure could blow! Space death and boiling blood is what we face!" These words or some version of them were likely spoken aboard the International Space Station yesterday around 8 a.m. Eastern Standard Time, when the astronauts there were *nearly* obliterated by speeding space debris.

If you were competing in the prestigious Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo barbecue cook-off and some other team started to annoy you, would you a. simply ignore them, b. taunt them for making "shitty bullshit food," or c. throw "some type of tear gas-like device" at them?

Jose Goncalves of Hartford, Connecticut, doesn't have a working right eye anymore, but he does have 925,000 new dollars. The money comes from the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, which agreed to compensate Goncalves for a botched cataract operation during which his eye, uhhhh, blew up.

All-around American girl Michele Bachmann hates on Medicaid because it helps poor people, and that's socialism. Yet since 2005, her husband has accepted $137,000 in Medicaid funds to "quality Christian-counsel" people so they don't become gay barbarians, as NBC has discovered.

Back in 2009—long before Anthony Weiner sexted his way out of political office and into an ice-creamy crucible of regret and derailed dreams, Louisiana pol Joe Stagni texted a chest-pic of himself to a colleague. Now the pic's resurfaced, because that's just how sextpics operate.

This week the Chinese are celebrating their Communist Party's 90th by buying it a sentimental birthday card, taking it out to Shoney's for the breakfast buffet, then swinging by J.C. Penney to get it a nice new cardigan sweater and some comfortable slippers.

The Federal Reserve vaults are sitting on $1 billion — that's with a "b" — in unused one-dollar coins, shunned currency that has been piling up since 2007, when a government program made their production compulsory. That number could double by 2016, when the program is scheduled to end.

Here's a trailer for War Horse, directed by Steven Spielberg and slated to open in theaters on December 28. Set in Europe during World War I, War Horse tells the story of a boy, Albert, and his beloved horse named Joey. When the two are forcibly separated, Albert attempts to track Joey across Europe's war-torn trenches, which—as you'll see in the trailer—provide a visually stunning backdrop for what Spielberg is billing as an "epic adventure." Did somebody say Oscar?

Early this morning, TwitPic founder Noah Everett tweeted that he was being arrested and in the back seat of a police car. Then he TwitPiced a picture of his view from said police car. It's TwitPic-ception! [@noaheverett via Mashable]

Bath salts: Their steady emergence as the designer drug du moment is well-documented. Their powerfully hallucinatory effects on the human brain, legendary. And now, their peddlers have been busted.

Last week, Tom Hanks appeared on Univision's Despierta America morning show and soon found himself in the middle of a weather report-turned-dance party with sexy co-host Chiquinquira Delgado. It was cute! And when Hanks reminisced about the incident with David Letterman on tonight's Late Show, we couldn't help but feel all warm and fuzzy inside all over again.

Let the hackathon continue with Anonymous now in the driver's seat after LulzSec called it quits. This time the target is not the small country of Anguilla, but the major media companies Viacom and Universal Music. [Gizmodo]

A student attending Michigan State's College of Osteopathic Medicine was charged with 13 felonies and one misdemeanor in connection with the killing, mutilating, or torturing dogs — Italian Greyhounds, to be precise.

Tonight, Stephen Colbert opened the Report with a segment about Republican presidential candidate Michele Bachmann and her kindred spirit, gay rapist clown serial killer John Wayne Gacy.

Thanks to the unfortunate luck of 12-year-old Wade Schlote of Colorado, we now have a clear protocol on what to do when a moth crawls into your ear as you sleep, painfully lodging itself deep inside your ear canal and refusing to die. Take note.

On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart delivered what was (hopefully) the final smackdown of his ongoing war with Fox News over everything from the network's selective editing to its habit of making false statements.

Someone (God?) gave Pope Benedict XVI an iPad, and today he became the first pope to Tweet (that we know of) when he announced his plans to exhume Pope John Paul II and put his corpse on trial. Just kidding! That was a different pope.

Oh, no! Erotic photobloggers and magazine interns everywhere were rocked with the news today that microblogging service Tumblr was the site of a prolonged "phishing" attack that seems to have stolen thousands of Tumblr logins and passwords. How will we ever be able to trust our favorite dogs-wearing-human-clothes blogs again?