Huma Abedin—improbably attractive wife of exhibitionist former congressman Anthony Weiner and right-hand woman to Hillary Clinton—is taking a vacation from her job and her marriage, the New York Post reports:

Last month ABC News' Diane Sawyer traveled to the decimated town of Joplin, Mo., to anchor World News in the wake of those horrible tornadoes. The brilliant Harry Shearer managed to catch some behind-the-scenes footage of an anxious, tentative, and confounded Sawyer huddling in a shawl against oncoming storms with the destroyed suburbs at her back as her crew frantically attempts put together a broadcast. It's a short Beckett play, about America, called "I Have Nothing."

Good morning, you bacon-egg-and-cheese biscuit-eating motherfuckers. Here's a brand new video from the group Mercy For Animals, showing exactly where that bacon you love so much comes from.

Lindsay Lohan is free at last, and returning to old habits. Prince Harry woos a lingerie model. Denise Richards adopts a baby girl. Justin and Selena say "I love you." Thursday gossip is ba-a-ack.

This actor's kid hasn't even been born yet and he's already not giving money to the mother. This actress is cheating on her new boyfriend. And this reality star got three different women pregnant at the same time. This is not what to expect when you're expecting.

Mark Halperin, the always-wrong journopundit who serves as a frequent MSNBC talking head, was on Morning Joe this morning—where, naturally, he was whining about how mean the president was to the simpering DC press corps during his press conference yesterday. "Are we on the seven second delay? I wanted to characterize how I thought the president behaved," said Halperin, setting up what you knew would be one whopper of a funny joke.

It's early, but this should be a lock for Most Awful Story of the Day: Isayah Muller (pictured) graduated from high school in the Bronx on Tuesday. Afterwards, he went out to a celebration dinner with his family. When his father, Andre, got back in the car after the dinner, he found that a $200 bottle of cologne was missing. Andre, with his family in the car, drove back to the parking garage where he'd been parked and confronted the attendants there, accusing them of stealing the cologne. They let him search the office. He couldn't find it. So, police say, he attacked one of the parking attendants, punching him. The other attendant grabbed a knife to defend his colleague.

Shortly after being fired as Facebook president, Sean Parker was ejected from Bungalow 8 for piercing the eardrums of Lindsay Lohan and her entourage with his drunken screams. Five years later, the pair very much appear to have made up.

No Strings Attached. Friends With Benefits. Friends With Strings. Attached With Benefits. Are there any differences to any of these movies? Not really. One stars an overexposed, overconfident pretty boy who fancies himself a high tech mogul, and so does the other one. One features an actress that starred as a prima ballerina in the movie Black Swan, and so does the other one. One is a shitty romcom about falling in love with a fuckbuddy, and so is the other one. THEY ARE THE SAME MOVIE, YOU SEE. Still not convinced? Then watch this video. [via BoingBoing]

Ever wonder what is really motivating you to hit "retweet," "like," or "share"? According to new research that will no doubt prompt viral-marketing departments to quick action, we share something because, for whatever reason, its ignites powerful emotions—good or bad—that arouse your nervous system.

In case you weren't confused enough about what you should be putting in your body, a new study shows that eating candy may prevent obesity and heart disease. [Jezebel]

Remember when somebody slowed down Justin Bieber's "U Smile" 800% and it became a 35-minute symphonic masterpiece? Well, slowing down the sound of '90s-era dial-up modems connecting to the Internet does not a symphonic masterpiece make. It does sound sort of like an alien invasion, though, so there's that. [via Laughing Squid]

Given his well-documented affinity for NeNe Leakes, it should come as no surprise that Anderson Cooper is quite fond of Bravo's Real Housewives series, a fact he finally admitted this week. But even a superfan like Cooper had to acknowledge the tragedy that is Countess LuAnn de Lesseps' new music video, which—along with the other pop star wannabe Housewives—served as the subject of his "Ridiculist" segment on Wednesday night's AC360.

This is disconcerting. Almost a month to the day after two women plunged from a 10th floor window of the W Hotel in Atlanta, killing one and leaving the other in critical condition, another woman has died falling from a W Hotel.

Here's a video of an unidentified male cheerleader performing a dance routine at China's Shandong University. There are several female cheerleaders in the video, too, but you won't notice them. Because you won't be able to take your eyes off of this guy—not the first time you watch it, nor the tenth. Because you probably will end up watching it 10 times. [via Towleroad]

The TSA recently mentioned you're allowed to bring sex toys in your carry-on luggage. But the agents on the ground might not get the message. Let's plan for some awkwardness, shall we? [Fleshbot - NSFW]

Adweek has a list of the 50 gayest TV commercials ever. Because gays buy things, too! (And straight dudes who enjoy watching two hot women in lingerie getting it on. They buy things, too. Like beer. And Toyotas.) [adweek.com]

A freak bolt of lightning hit a school in northwest Uganda, killing a teacher and 22 students and injuring 51 more, all between the ages of 7 and 16. The building had no lightning rod to ground strikes.

Stow your valuables, hide your children. Recalcitrant glamour icon Lindsay Lohan is once again free to move among us, after serving just 35 days of home confinement at her Venice, Ca., townhouse. The original sentence for — quick, what was it? BZZ! Too long. "Pleading no contest to misdemeanor necklace theft" is the correct response — was four months in jail. So how did that become a month of lounging at home, during which she managed to violate her probation by testing positive for alcohol use? Because "she's a nonviolent offender and there are budgetary issues and jail overcrowding," a spokesman for the sheriff's department said. Of course! Those crowded jails. Big problem in Lindsay's Venice townhouse. (It's actually more of an '80s high-ceilinged apartment covered in paintings of herself. But whatever. It's overcrowded, 'kay?) [People, images via Getty and Bauer-Griffin]

Even though Governor Rick Perry is praying for rain, Texas is still suffering from its worst drought in more than a century and Fourth of July fireworks shows across the state are being canceled as counties issue emergency bans on the flammable fun balls. What does this all mean? As Stephen Colbert explained on tonight's Report, it means that it's time to put Texas in its place for subverting Americans' desire to celebrate our independence by blowing crap up.