Kyle Richards thinks that the ban on pornography and erotica enforced by the Macomb County Jail—and, to a lesser extent, the absence of video games in individual cells—amounts to "cruel and unusual punishment," and is therefore unconstitutional. Is he right?
Lindsay Lohan celebrated her 25th birthday without drunkenly embarrassing herself! Tom Cruise also celebrated a birthday—either his 49th or his 75 millionth, depending on whether you're counting human or Thetan years. Also: Tina Turner shot Randy Jackson, once! Sunday gossip is here.
Just after New York approved same-sex marriage, the Brown Coffee Company of San Antonio, Texas (does Texas allow same-sex marriage?) posted a Twitter that seemed not-so-coincidentally homophobic. People got mad, so Brown's clowns took that Twitter down and apologized. But they weren't sorry for long (ka-ching)!
The America-hating buzzkills at the NYPD confiscated some 5,000 pounds of fireworks this year (everything "from sparklers to professional pyrotechnics"), leaving many New Yorkers without even the chance to injure themselves or set their apartments on fire. But at least the department had the decency to film the destruction, which took place yesterday in the Bronx. Next year, guys, maybe you can spring for HD? [NYT]
Sean Gittens is an Army veteran who was rendered mute and partially paralyzed during a blast in Iraq in 2008. A nonprofit wanted to build him a new house in an Evans, Georgia community—but the homeowners association stopped construction because of bullshit reasons that kept changing!
After a three-day adventure in the wilds of New Jersey, officials were able to tranquilize and capture a baboon that had escaped from Six Flags Great Adventure. The monkey seems to have had a grand adventure, traveling across backyards, down highways, and over a golf course on a general course east, possibly toward Manasquan, which has one of the nicer beaches on the shore. Thus far Great Adventure is unable to confirm, officially, that the baboon is a resident of its safari park, but spokeswoman Kristin B. Siebeneicher said it "seems likely that it is one of the Safari's baboons." We should hope! [ABC6; Newark Star-Ledger]
Legislatin' and all-purpose politickin' is hard work, which is why liquor can sometimes become a valuable tool in a stressed-out lawmaker's relaxation repertoire. They understand this in Ohio, where people are boozing more than ever—and where the state Capitol building will soon feature a full-scale bar.
Was everyone at Google stoned when the company was placing bids on a collection of Nortel Networks patents that it could've really used? Because here are three of their bids: $1,902,160,540; $2,614,972,128; $3,141,592,653. Yes—that last one is Pi billion dollars.
Remember reading about the Former Majority Association for Equality, the nonprofit that bequeaths $500 scholarships to white male American scholars whose academic goals are possibly being thwarted by oppressive browns and womyns? Well, they began dishing out the dough this week—and one state's white males seem to be getting special treatment.
Everyone's getting a divorce! Literally, everyone, except for Kate Moss, who just got married. And Salma Hayek's not getting a divorce yet, but finding out her husband fathered Linda Evangelista's kid isn't going to make her marriage stronger. Yes! It's Saturday gossip.
Perry Frasier does not tolerate poor standing-in-line skills. At a post office in Jacksonville, Florida, on Thursday, he allegedly began arguing with another man who was "standing slightly off-center" of the customer service line, because nobody fucks with Perry Frasier's sensibilities.
Upon finding out that the woman accusing former IMF chief Dominique Strauss Kahn of rape lied to a grand jury about the events following her alleged assault, the New York Post surely realized that such a complicated case required cautious, nuanced coverage. Like, say, today's front-page article: "DSK MAID A HOOKER."
Well, it's the biggest holiday weekend of the summer and hopefully you're headed off to some lake or beach or house in the woods to celebrate the old-fashioned way. If not, go to a movie. There are robots! And Julia Roberts!
