These acting coworkers are cheating on their respective partners by sleeping with each other. This starlet called into work sick because she had a bruised ego. The Hollywood workforce needs its own version of OSHA.

If you want a job in America today, you'll probably end up working in a restaurant. (Yay!) One in ten Americans already work in restaurants or bars, and the WSJ says that since the recession hit, restaurant jobs have increased at more than twice the rate of other jobs.

We already know that the News of the World hacked the phones of virtually everyone in England, including dead people and the prime minister and, probably, you. But with the latest revelation, the scandal has actually folded in on itself. Is the NOTW scandal the singularity?

Casually xenophobic British ultra-nationalist Morrissey was bitten by a dog of unknown origin and — holy shit — he cracked a bone in his finger! Sycophants across the world are understandably worried about him but, according to True To You, his current tour will not be affected:

There are plenty of classic tales of hotboxing, but this one might be the greatest of all. A Canadian man, while waiting in his car at a police checkpoint in Nova Scotia last week, decided it was time to "casually" smoke a joint with the windows rolled down. Officers smelled weed and approached the man and, a puzzled Cpl. Andy Hamilton told the CBC afterwards, "I honestly don't know what to think." But, he added, the man passed an hour-long field sobriety test and concluded that "this was the one and only joint that was smoked."

Here's some bad news for the summer: From the CDC's latest Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report, which by name alone sounds absolutely horrifying, we learn that a new strain of the clap is resistant to cephalosporins — the antibiotics commonly used in treatment.

It's a good day to be an enterprising heroin dealer in southern Afghanistan. Ahmed Wali Karzai, half-brother of President Hamid Karzai, was shot and killed by a family bodyguard at his home in Kandahar, where he was the chief of the provincial council. The deceased is said to have been the owner of truckloads of heroin over the years, but to be fair, in a 2008 interview with the New York Times he said, "I am not a drug dealer, I never was and I never will be." So take that for what's it worth?

Tacoma residents are still scarred by an incident from six years ago, when a man named Dominick Maldonado strolled into the local mall and started firing indiscriminately, then took four hostages in a standoff with police that lasted several hours. Miraculously, no one was killed, but seven were seriously wounded. Maldonado — who had planned the rampage for weeks and told a police dispatcher minutes before to "follow the screams" — was sentenced to 163 years in Clallam Bay Prison. He's back in the news because of a botched escape attempt earlier this month, during which he held a guard hostage with a pair of scissors while his friend and fellow inmate, Kevin Newland, plowed a forklift through the wall of the prison garment shop where they worked. Newland was shot to death, but Maldonado, somehow, made it out unscathed once again. Basically, not too much to like about this guy — but not according to Quynh Maldonado!

Congregation Kehilath Jeshurun on 85th St. is ablaze tonight, with 170 firefighters battling the four-alarm fire. The building was undergoing renovations. Despite sightings of fireballs and flames "spitting out of stained-glass windows," FDNY reports just four minor injuries to firefighters.

Sunday brought a dipper (not skinny) to the Central Park Reservoir, but Monday brought something a little more death-defying and artful to the realm of public disturbances in the sweltering city: an aerialist on the Williamsburg Bridge tower!

Some jerk threw tacks on a stretch of highway covered by the Annual Seattle To Portland Bicycle Classic, causing one rider to hit the ground and lose consciousness. Other riders got away relatively easy with flat tires. Dick! [KATU]

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 comes out Friday, so naturally we'll be seeing its stars hit the talk show circuit this week. Emma Watson got the ball rolling with an appearance on tonight's Late Show, during which she was asked by David Letterman about co-star Daniel Radcliffe's recent admission that he's a recovering alcoholic. And as if that wasn't awkward enough on its own, Letterman then spent the better part of two minutes pestering Watson for details related to her own alcohol use. Video of the whole bit is above.

Catfight, catfight! In one corner, local L.A. crackpot and fluff journalist extraordinaire, Patt Morrison. (See her interview a celebrity Beagle here.) In the other, doe-eyed indie nymph and elf-whisperer, Zooey Deschanel. Two enter! Both leave! We get something to talk about for five minutes!

On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart returned from vacation feeling a little blue about the problems currently facing the United States, like the battle over the budget in Washington. But before Stewart could expound on his point, correspondent John Oliver presented him with a recap of Rupert Murdoch's News of the World scandal—a friendly reminder that the British will always find a way to out-shame us tepid Americans.

Are you looking to go to New Jersey's Round Valley State Park? (It features "swimming, boating and camping in summer, and cross country skiing and sledding in the winter"!) Just don't use Google Maps to get there, as you may end up at Laurie Gneiding's house.

People talk so much about the "fanatic genocidal fascism" aspect of Nazis that some of their other, less genocidal (but no less crazy!) ideas. Like the Nazi sex doll "designed to stop soldiers being laid low with syphilis"!

Science! What would we do without you? Certainly we would never know the marvelous story of Tornatellides boeningi, the snail that can survive being eaten, digested, and pooped out by a bird.

Sure, you've heard of Facebook billionaires Mark Zuckerberg and Sean Parker. But how about multimillionaire Ezra Callahan? Or half billionaires Matt Cohler, Adam D'Angelo and Chris Hughes? WhoOwnsFacebook.com is ready to introduce you, and your libido, to the Facebook B-list.

Prison is horrible, as everyone knows, but it's not all bad: If you play your cards right you can get paid to receive blowjobs! From a 70-year-old chaplain. But still! Blowjobs!

It's not just murder victims and government officials who have been hacked by Rupert Murdoch's minions. A once-pseudonymous sex writer claims a writer for the Murdoch-owned Sunday Times installed a trojan on her computer in an effort to out her.