Michael Raper, a 26-year-old employee of meat processing company Bar S, died this week after falling into a meat grinder. Is there a way that this story could be more horrible? Yes, yes there is:

Even though North Dakota's prone to disastrous floods and blizzards and maybe not even a real state, and even though a college degree is possibly worthless in today's jobless job market, lots of Ameri-teens are going to college in North Dakota anyhow. It's so cheap!

Everyone's got a theory about Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony's divorce. Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minillo get married. Elin Nordegren's new boyfriend used to date Rachel Uchitel. Saturday gossip is waiting for an invite to the Marine Corps Ball.

Is there anything more gratifying than quitting a crappy job in dramatic, bridge-incinerating fashion? I don't think there is! But maybe we could ask Adam, former Taco Bell shift manager, since he seems to have some experience in that department. Adam submitted his sign-based resignation ("I QUIT - ADAM/FUCK YOU :)") on Thursday night; apparently he was upset that he was denied time off on July 4, despite having worked 22 days in a row. [WIVB via Fark]

Today we heard yet another crazy thing about actress Paz de la Huerta. She's so crazy! Isn't it so fun? No, no it is not, argued one commenter.

Though the little meddling wizard boy is on most everyone's mind this movie weekend, there are a couple of other things opening—things about fundamentalists, girlfriends, and a honey-mad bear, to name three—that could satisfy all you anti-Potter Death Eater types out there.

Though they seemed awfully happy performing together on American Idol mere months ago, Nuyorican power couple Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony have announced that they're ending their seven-year marriage. ¡Ay Dios mio!

If you need any more proof that the hacking group Anonymous has achieved rockstar status in certain nerdy circles, check out their groupies. SexyFawkes is a porn site (NSFW) of naked ladies (mostly) wearing the group's signature Guy Fawkes' mask.

Got a tip to share? Email tips@gawker.com. And did you know you can keep up with Gawker by following us on Facebook and Twitter? You can! Or you can register for our email newsletter, delivered once daily. Details here.

So, campaign finance! Perhaps in need of some constitutional reform, hmm? But for now, the rules of the game for presidential campaigns are that you call all of your rich friends and have them bundle donations from their rich friends, "sometimes" in exchange for access or favors for everyone in this elaborate network of rich friends. So who's on the just-released Obama bundler list?

Nice baboons! Dead trees! Spiral galaxies! Ipad apps! Macaque alarms! Time machines! Rainbow toads! Eyeball pictures! And the latest news about the fishes and their watery friends! It's your Friday Science Watch, where we watch science—faster than you thought!

Comic books! Movies! Video games! Toys! There's so much to see and do at San Diego Comic-Con, it can be a little overwhelming. Don't worry, Kotaku is happy to help you survive the rigors of comic book convention attendance. [Kotaku]

Dow Jones CEO Les Hinton—whose previous job was running the division of Rupert Murdoch's empire that is presently engulfed in an out-of-control conflagration of criminality, almost all of which stems back to Hinton's tenure there—has stepped down. We totally called this two years ago.

In your finally Friday media column: Rupert Murdoch apologizes, Andrew Ross Sorkin gets a TV gig, the AP stylebook is wrong, Google encourages you to read, and Bob Schieffer is still among the living.

In March, we brought you the story of Porn Wikileaks. Built on a database of over 12,000 stolen medical records from an STD testing database, Porn Wikileaks was dedicated to destroying porn performers' privacy. Now it's been shut down, thanks to a similarly brutal campaign to expose it.

The world is tuning in with disbelief at House Republicans, who are still preparing to blow up everyone's precious global economy. House Republicans, meanwhile, are passing around a dumb blog post from RedState's Erick Erickson outlining supposedly good reasons for causing a Depression! Good heavens.

Having already brought you horrifying true stories of fried rats and poop and murder, we return today with our third and final installment of Kitchen Nightmares: Do not read while eating! Really, don't. Seriously.

Rep. Michele Bachmann's "psychologist" husband, Marcus Bachmann, is apparently starting to feel like a liability to his wife's political prospects. Either that, or he just likes talking to the papers! Because he's now going on the record to defend his Christian counseling business against charges of being anti-gay.

The nice summer weather belies a dark truth: two beloved franchises, one hugely popular, the other sadly ignored, are ending. Let's take a moment to remember, and thank, both Harry Potter and Friday Night Lights.

If you felt a disturbance in the internet this morning, it was probably because Lady Gaga's YouTube account was briefly shut down due to copyright issues. It had something to do with her posting a clip from the Japanese TV show Smap x Smap? Anyway, she's back, so her "little monsters" can go back into their caves.